i lost. =( i didn't get into semis.
the feeling of defeat sucks. the feeling of not knowing why sucks. was it not my best? was it not my all? why can't i get in?
was i not fast enough? why didn't i push myself more? why can't that boat cap?
i don't understand...
but i wanted so much to get to semis..
ahhh. =(
it's so hard to pretend everything's okay when it's not! it's like this thing that's bothering you no matter how much you try to ignore it. maybe i can't accept the fact that i lost or that i'm not good enough. i don't know.
i think of my trainings, and i think of how sr went through the buoy.. and it just doesn't add up.
haha, anyway bey, sorry i lied. i didn't speak to my mummy on the phone this afternoon. i just needed some time on my own alone. that's why i went off somewhere and you all couldn't find me. sorry ya..
anyway this feeling sucks. feel so battered and bruised.
=(
anyway i guess i just need to let out my feelings.. please. no tags about me having tried my best and that's all that matters. apparantly me having tried my best and it's okay, is only applicable to a certain extent. if you care, thanx, but i'm fine. please don't tell me to cheer up too. i will. but not now.
i just need some time.
the worse part is when i came home, and my mummy told me miss ang called her coz of my grades. and that she had to go for meet the parents session. so i said okay yeah i know. then i went to bathe. and after i came out, she was telling my sister that my teacher called about my bad grades. okay fine. then she started telling my sis that how i had so many trainings that's why my grades like that. wah laoz.
i bet she did it on purpose. i was out of the bathroom and walking to my room le. then she tell me say it's good now i have no more trainings le. whole day keep canoeing. no wonder grades like so bad. kaoz.
so insensitive. fine if you don't come support. fine if you don't give me your support, grades ain't everything. i feel like flunking everything for my prelims just to make you sad. i'm feeling so down and you throw this right smack in my face. whatever. to hell with it ya. so you think i'm not upset with my grades? wad do you know. i don't show it doesn't mean i don't care. doesn't mean i'm not upset. and you couldn't have picked a better time to say it. why can't you wait till fri or sat? but not today. not when i'm upset. it just adds on to the hurt. insensitive.
haha, and i know wad nazir will say if i tell him all this. he'll just say to f*** with everything lah. and i'll probably laugh.
tricia was here. she ranted. she raved. she felt better.
posted by tricia, me and i at
2:39 PM
