tricia, me and i

cease

2008-11-21T13:47:00.001+08:00

blogging shall cease.

Sarin Gas

2008-11-21T05:00:00.002+08:00

look! i was studying Sarin Gas for forensic and this is a very sad thing to happen. Sarin gas is a poisonous gas and apparantly it was used by Iraqi military against Kurdish villagers. And the journalist who was there said this!

" It was life frozen. Life had stopped, like watching a film and suddenly it hangs on one frame. It was a new kind of death to me. You went into a room, a kitchen and you saw the body of a woman holding a knife where she had been cutting a carrot. (...) The aftermath was worse. Victims were still being brought in. Some villagers came to our chopper. They had 15 or 16 beautiful children, begging us to take them to hospital. So all the press sat there and we were each handed a child to carry. As we took off, fluid came out of my little girl's mouth and she died in my arms. "

It's just terrible. I would have cried if it had happened to me.

2008-11-21T01:39:00.001+08:00

"Given Up"

Wake in a sweat again

Another day's been laid to waste

In my disgrace

Stuck in my head again

Feels like I'll never leave this place

There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]

I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away

I'm suffocating

Tell me what the fuck is wrong

With me

[end chorus]

I don't know what to take

Thought I was focused but I'm scared

I'm not prepared

I hyperventilate

Looking for help somehow somewhere

And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

[chorus]

I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away

I'm suffocating

Tell me what the fuck is wrong

With me

[end chorus]

[bridge]

Goddddddd!!!!

Put me out of my misery

Put me out of my

Put me out of my fucking misery

[end bridge]

[chorus]

I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away

I'm suffocating

Tell me what the fuck is wrong

With me

[end chorus]

aaaaahhhh

2008-11-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

the stronger person that i am

2008-11-20T21:03:00.004+08:00

what doesn't break me, makes me stronger.

i am a strong girl. yes i am.

where are my friends?

2008-11-19T21:51:00.001+08:00

hello!

where are all my friends?

i realised i haven't been seeing my hi5 group and i'm missing them! excluding shirley of course. I'm seeing her everyday mans.

can't wait for exams to be over.

and i've decided that we're going to have a christmas dinner right?!

so!!!! all you canoeist out there. can you please leave a comment or something about the dates that you will be free? i plan to put it either on a saturday dinner lasting till late night, or a friday dinner lasting till late night. please tell me!

love,
tricia

Poem!

2008-11-19T00:46:00.002+08:00

In my own little world
Where everything's perfect
Every one is smiling
No one has ever heard of dying

With the ice cream sundaes on the tables
Napkins neatly on their laps
Everyone is laughing
Not a tear in sight

Near the beach where the sun always shines
Everyone is always so kind
Where love actauly exists
And where friends always persist

Everyone is happy
No one is ever sad
The only things that could go wrong
was running out of wipped cream

Then realizing this is all a dream
This place dosent and wont ever exist
It is fake, down, up and all around
This life cannot compare

Who would want to live there any way
Nothing would happen nothing would stir
Life would not even be a blur
Second by second year by year
nothing would change

This life may hurt
This life may not be perfect
who can you blame but yourself

To make yourself happy
Its just all plain you
Theres nothing else you can do

Lifes an adventure
Live it like the dream
And always remember buy extra wipped cream

something bothers me

2008-11-18T05:54:00.003+08:00

in the midst of studying for tcm. a little something happened that kinda made me feel guilty....

i guess. i GUESS. it could be partially my fault. but then i really think that i am not that wrong either. sigh. shall see how the situation is. whether it can be salvage or not.

and i guess i should stop feeling so guilty. right?

does being in uni make one selfish?

i don't wanna be a selfish kid!

tricia ponders.

political views?

2008-11-17T17:45:00.002+08:00

i am blogging again. don't say i'm damn free. i'm not. i'm actually taking a break from the complexity of traditional chinese medicine. nowadays. the word, "FREE" is beginning to irritate me damn a lot.

back to the point. i was just reading xx's blog and it seems like she gets pretty much a hell load of comments, by just stating her views on the whole america presidential campaign. (you can read all about it here.) which brings me to the point ---

Seriously, what is wrong with these people?!

i mean looking at the long list of comments, some positive most negative, most of them in fact don't seem like educated comments nor OBJECTIVE ones.

some of them have poorly written english, which just goes to show that they are not reading much about the whole issue and offer their shallow viewpoints, or that some of them just rant foul language, which goes to show how uncivilised and how rude they are at not accepting the fact that PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO THINK DIFFERENTLY AND HAVE DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEWS.

i mean seriously. i totally abhor people, who can't accept the fact that others around them have a mindset of their own, and make it seem so mandatory to have to accept and conform to their way of thinking. idiots i tell you. i mean wad's the big deal? you state your point, i state mine, and we walk away with a deeper understanding of each other.

and i totally agree that this article kinda make sense --> here!

it's a good read. do take the time to read it.

and to clarify, by uneducated views i do not discriminate against people who have poor command of the english language whatsoever, but for those who clearly uses foul language to get their point across. i mean you can say you disagree or agree with a certain point, but can't you just put it across nicely?

does being mean and spiteful about comments = you are right? NO!
it only makes people upset, angry and pissed.
and i don't see why you should disrupt the harmonious living that we are having so far with your silly inconsiderate comments. it just doesn't make sense to me.

all i'm saying is that, if there are others, with comments and ways of thinking different from one of your own, don't be such a meanie. you either listen, talk it out AMICABLY, or shuddup and walk away if you can't. coz i believe, at the end of the day, neither one will be convinced that the other is right.

having a different opinion is equivalent to having a new perspective of things shown to you that you might not have even thought about.

and now. tcm is calling.

it wants to show me its perspective of the medical world.

sigh. but it's a refreshing break though. hee.

tricia was here.

more chinese

2008-11-17T14:40:00.002+08:00

nooooo.

i just saw this disgusting slime thingy in my room. and IT MOVES. yuck. the sad thing is i didn't manage to catch it and kill it in time. shit.

booo. the tcm teacher JUST POSTED the old slides online, which he has sort of revised! i think he did revise it coz it doesn't look the same from my notes!!!

and it's like i'm already starting revision for forensic! and now! i have to revert back to writing chinese words and characters. hai. my wrist like don't really know how to twist and turn to write out chinese characters le!

coz i have been writing english notes for forensic?

aaaah. haha.

tcm is tomorrow! wish me luck!

tricia was here. tricia brings the luck!

All in a fit of anger

2008-11-16T04:42:00.002+08:00

haha. I saw the comments the many of you have put down. and yes. it is especially comforting ot know that you guys are such avid readers of my blog other than just your lecture notes.

aren't you glad that there's something to read at whenever you are taking a break from your studies?!

ha. don't mention it mans. =D

anyway, it is hard to live together even as a family, where there are times when there are conflicting issues, or rather small conflicting issues such as who gets to use the toilet first in the morning and yada yada..

but we have lived with them all our lives, and practically, our living habits are suited to accommodate one another. still don't get what i'm trying to say? haha, i guess what i want to say is that it is hard to live together harmoniously as a family, so I THINK it is even harder for two complete strangers, who fall in love, and live with each other. much compromising and accommodation must be done. and the difference is, they are not family yet. so it seems to me that if that special someone truly wants to spend the rest of his/her life with you, then there must be lots and lots of sacrifices. and i mean peaceful sacrifices. not the ones where you grudgingly says yah lah yah lah.

but anyway, i heart my friends and my family! the nice funny comments have brought a good cheer to this stressful exam period and the little ways that my family have tried to help me tide over this period simply makes me feel loved.

ha. and of course, yes. not forgetting you anonymousxu. who wants to remain anonymous though it's pretty obvious who you are. haha. i have received feedback from different people actually. that how my blog actually portrays a negative image of xu.

YES. he is childish and immature at times or most of the times. and yes. i am often bloggin about how upset i am when we quarrel. but what i have not blog much here, is how nice he has been to me and my family. haha, i guess the reason is because i have this tendency to express myself in the literary way here, and speak heaven and earth about how angry i am or how upset i am or the crux of the matter that we quarrelled. but we do have happy times together and when we do, i find that i don't blog about it.

why don't i blog much about happy things. i also do not know. my guess is that happy times pass real fast! and zing! it's over before i can blog about it and the angry times come. i guess this is what is meant by the ups and downs of life.

anyway, if i am happy, i will just blog to say i am happy. coz.. i don't know. being happy doesn't seem to have much to blog about. though i will try. haha.

and yes. xu is nice because he bought sunflowers for me and my mummy because my mummy fell real ill one day and he bought it to cheer her up. and he is nice to me because... he can tolerate my irritating-ness and my procrastinations.

you know. i AM very procrastinating. and oh believe me. i can be such a mean bitch when i am. and HE is the one that sees the ugly side of me. i mean shirley does too. but she's uglier. hee. hahaha just kidding lah.

i know!!! you all are thinking that huh. tricia can be such a bitch?! but she's just so nice! haha. yah. thanx thanx. i am nice. but sometimes, niceness has its limits. aren't you glad i'm always nice to you all?

hmmm. and someone has recently made this comment to me that, you don't expect the world to conform to your whims and whams, instead you are SUPPOSED to conform to the world. Because the world doesn't stop changing because of you.

well. it is true to a certain extent. but i would like to beg to differ. because most of the time, we, HUMANS, HOMOSAPIENS, are the ones causing the world to change. so why should we, or rather ME, let myself be conformed by this world to become what it wants me to be? i definitely don't believe for one that i have to conform to this world to get what i want. i can make the world bend to me for of course reasonable reasons and accept me as who i am for the graciousness of it all. see. then i can become miss world! haha just kidding. but you get what i mean.

i mean certain things yes, you have to fight to get what you want. but if you have already fought for what you want, then if it is meant to be yours, it will be yours.

and one more thing, whenever, in a fit of an anger, please please do not and whatever you do, refrain from saying meanful, spiteful and hurtful things. yes we all say forgive and forget, but do we really forget? i mean once you say such mean things, the damage is done, the hurt is caused, and the HURT, is really one thing to take. time heals all wounds. but do we have the time to wait for wounds to heal?

alright. an amazing long post. have a good read. shall try to blog more often. i hope.

haha. good luck to my tcm mans! do lao cheng proud? i ALWAYS do her proud mahx. ha.

tricia was here.

tcm

2008-11-11T00:13:00.002+08:00

tcm = traditional chinese medicine = 中医学说

tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm, tcm.....

boo.

chinese

2008-11-10T22:18:00.003+08:00

i'm scared when i saw this super duper long e-mail by the tcm prof!

it's filled to the brim with chinese words! and i had to painstakingly decipher them word for word.

ahh........

please please please. next time if ever any of you send me an e-mail. no chinese words. my eyes are spoilt. i think i might be suffering from this:

Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese, Chinese culture.

wad do you think?

just kidding lah.

but seriously the torrent of chinese words in that e-mail.. i've got a headache.

after the exams!

2008-11-10T17:01:00.002+08:00

the things that i wanna do after the exams!

1. go sing k box!
2. have been thinking of buying sum 41 cd for quite some time le. but still contemplating. as in the cd that i want to buy is not exactly the latest one. hahaha.
3. go cycling or rollerblading?
4. work my ass off so i can save enough money to go usa next year! working with my best colleague ng yen yong!
5. ......
6. .....

haha. now i only though of all these things lah. when i think of more then i will pen down.

oh yah! i wanna change my blogskin too. it's old and mouldy!
but i'm such an IT idiot. changing blogskin will probably take the whole damn day. haha. sigh.

oh and i wanna watch lots and lots of dvds! and go to the movies too! i think. haha.

oh when oh when will the exams be over... or rather, when will my uni life be over?

tricia was here.

moz!

2008-11-09T04:46:00.000+08:00

you stupid mosquito.

blood sucker.

go away go!

destress

2008-11-09T03:21:00.002+08:00

haha. was studying when i suddenly thought of this.

i can still vividly remember when the canoeist attended ronaldliwanhao's birthday party and the silly blanket game that we played. haha, wad childish fun it was. yet we truly and really enjoyed ourselves. the laughter and the shouting and the small bantering among us.. ha. it really brings a smile to my so downtrodden and stressful face. i hope it does the same for you guys whoever is reading this post too.

can't wait for exams to be over, where we shall go for christmas lunch or dinner k! and of course! naturally following the theme i set every single year: red and green! i mean though it only started last year, but it's still a theme. and it's a christmas theme hor!!

all the best for your revision guys!

lots of love,
tricia!

examz

2008-11-08T01:21:00.002+08:00

It's the time of the year again and it beats me why i am typing my post in purple!

what time did i say it was again? oh i didn't well, it's DE examz.

i know i know. i've only got two papers. please, let's just stop harping on it. i mean i know i have 2 papers. but. i didn't really plan for this yah. and, have you thought of the additional stress that i might be having if i don't do well for ONLY two papers?? i mean well they are only electives.. but you get the gist. it's still an exam.

Just went for TCM yesterday and i happen to ask jiayun and daphne about the career prospects and if they are currently sourcing for a job. so they said they didn't had the time and that they were okay with like not receiving a contract before they graduate. and i really heaved a big sigh of relief there and then.

my first thoughts were, "i'm not the only one!"

ha. it seems to piss me off that depsite the not so many or rather many resumes that i've sent out, i still don't have any replies. like ANY. it set me thinking was it really me? or was it whatever that is was on my resume.

well screw that. it really frightens me as to what kind of a person i've become since entering uni. there's a great deal of insecurity and uncertainty looming overhead me and i feel so crushed, so small and so tiny in the face of such immense negativity.

see. whatever happened to the, don't worry if it is meant to be yours it will be yours? i've really always always believed that out in the vast humane world, there is one job and only one career that belongs to me me me and me alone. we just haven't had the chance to make acquaintance out of each other.

but i guess with the peer pressure and the ambitious hunger of the people around me, i am slowly being consumed and swallowed up by the whirlwind of unhappiness, selfish and backstabbing snippets of soon to be life of the corporate world i see in uni.

i could count this as my rare positive posts that i've had in the longest time ever, and in fact, it has made me realise that, i for one, have not been holding through to my belief. that if what you believe in doesn't affect the way you live, then it isn;t very important.

which boild down to, what exactly do i believe in?

well.. i believe that i am an talented individual, that will make it out there in the cold harsh world based on my own merits regardless what others may think or regardless how long i take.

so why did i waver?

i've realised that for SO long, i've been standing precariously on the edge, wavering in my belief of what others have said. so for now, it is up to me to stay true to myself, and true to my beliefs.

funny how my beliefs in life have turned out to be my guiding principles, my stronghold to grasp on to in such times of uncertainties. so never waver again tricia?

to add on. saw the recent news article on how sg government was sueing wall street. i think it's an absolute waste of resources. it's just CRAP. it just shows us how childish we can be just cause we can't accept a few harsh criticisms from others. i mean, no country is perfect. if you want to get a perfect review on the newspaper or whatever scholarly journal, then it would have to be a biased one wouldn't it?

and no, it is not crazy to want to ask for criticism or even to welcome them, because it is A WAY that lets us know what the world truly thinks, and it is A WAY that we are able to know where we can improve on. SO. instead of viweing it in a positive light, why can't WE be gracious enough to accept it and show that they are wrong through our silent actions???

they way i see it, it is just a war of words.

i don't know why

2008-10-17T03:37:00.002+08:00

i don't know why things end up the way the way they are now..

i don't know when it started, but it started somehow.

maybe i shouldn't have asked for that contact. it has caused me much trouble.. and much feelings of awkwardness. I have put in much effort and time into getting it all right. i admit i made a few mistakes here and there.. but i really put my heart and soul into delivering it out. even though at times when i felt i was the only one doing it.. even though there were times when i felt my group mates had no time or didn't seem interested in doing it. i thought it was okay. they had more modules than me. but why.

it was only a small concern of mine. did i look that sulky? i was only a bit worried of what i could deliver to her. it was only a line of casual reasoning. i didn't understand why you had to flare up on me.

maybe it's just this project. i have lots of information, but they seem to get me no where. i took the time and effort to consolidate it into proper reading material. i took the time and effort to make sure i undertsnad the flow. i took the time and effort to come up with the questions. then why why why do i still feel so ALONE? from the point of contact, to the questions, to the consolidated information.. i know. i know i know i know. all of them contributed. but i just can't help but feel that way...

i anticipated the urgency or rather the need to apply and not work for this project. but nevertheless.. it was wasted.

will anyone understand me? will anyone understand the feelings of awkwardness? will anyone even understand what i'm trying to say? or wad i'm trying to explain? or wad i'm trying to bring across?

can't wait for all of this to be over.

just wish i was home now. home, you are my only comfort now..

Jaw?

2008-10-16T00:45:00.002+08:00

wad does an jaw operation do?

it's the shifting of the jaw back to its appropriate place. since the webby put that it's only a day surgery... I guess you shouldn't worry too much about it.

haha. well.. i don't think someone out there has any experience on having a jaw operation. but nevertheless, if someone do happen to have gone through it before, no harm posting a comment.

yeah. but don't be scared! i guess it might just clash with your work. but if you are more worried about the complications, i think that the surgeries or operations nowadays are pretty adavanced too!

yeah.

anyways. HR quiz tomorrow. sian diao. hahaha.

good luck to the quiz!!

tricia was here. she has an aching body!

contrary...

2008-10-10T23:34:00.002+08:00

Right. Contrary to popular belief. I am actually not that free as i always seem to be.

It's TRUE. not only do I only have 10 AUS out of which 2 are ELECTIVES are examinable, hmmm. I would say i are free-er (if there ever was such a word) or having more free time compared to my previous timetables.

okay just to share. I used to be quite busy last time. with many many activities in my life. my secondary school life was fufiling, JC life was more low-profiled, Uni life is well... monotonous. I just don't have that drive anymore.

hmm. tell me! why am i so not motivated anymore? there's no drive nor passion nor motivation!!!!

I just feel like I'm aimlessly walking the face of the earth, with no direction nor specific path to take whatsoever. I know i know, people have found their drives or motivation or even their passion late in life, but how late is late?!

better late than never? i disagree in this sense. coz i feel like i'm wasting my youth just trying to find out my drive in life. i hope that the drive comes soon. I don't wanna waste nor rot my life away!!!

any-o-ways. me thinks me is a very patient person. I don't know how is it that i can bear to force myself to listen to the anger or the jokes people "throw" at me, and be so giving and yielding that i'm kind of irriated. I so want to scream out loud or shout back or just be angry. but being angry is just so not in my nature. coz after i become angry, i regret ever shouting back or scolding that person, and end up being submissive and giving in again. boo.

and anyway. i think it is totally not worth it being angry. coz being angry is very tiring. So... how many of you have been angry with a person for a long period of time? if i were to ask you wad started this anger in the first place, would you still remember it?

and this post, it's dedicated to my most avid reader, anonymousxu, who so dilligently waits for my updates, and even encourages me to blog more often.

but. working twice a week, can be damn tiring.

and estherngyenyong. i'm feelig kinda sian working there now. coz it's so draggy.... haha. come back and work with me please!

oh yah! just some juicy information, a colleague of mine is going to ROM next year in jan! congrats!!!
but the thing is she's only 21! that's like same age as me? or rather, us?! ha. people nowadays are getting married early. hmmm.. how come? or maybe not really people but rather the people around me?

anyway, the shirley ang hiang en just had her birthday party, and... ha. she's still so not mature or considerate as she wants to become. but really, i actually shouldn't be bothered about the comments made that day.. as in, time will tell if i can do it or not. and i believe that, i should believe in myself. yup. and i'm not angry or anything, so if you're thinking of posting anything, don't have to.

i mean afterall a blog is just a way of expressing oneself and a way of releasing personal feelings. it shouldn;t really be used for the purpose of scolding a person, telling a person off in words, or even for apologizing for that matter of fact. coz you and only you have tha uthority here to write whatever you want on your blog, and whoever sees the blog, whatever they feel, it's gonna be their problem. I mean nobody asked you to read the blog in the first place right? well of course you don't really have the authority to write like discriminating things or really hurtful things. but generally you get wad i mean.

when will school end for me? i wonder.

tricia was here.

the me as i am now

2008-09-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

I may have erred in some or many of the decisions i made. but i don't regret them.

looking back on this date at this time, has in fact made me a tad prouder of myself.

wad do i pride myself on?

i pride myself on the stubborness of me. i pride myself of what i have achieved. i pride myself on not giving up and pulling through. i pride myself of who and what i have moulded myself to be and have become. i pride myself that i was able to experience what i was able to experience, that sense of determination, that sense of nothingness, the depressing times, and the grit it through all and pull through it times that i had for myself.

looking back i tell myself i am confident of what i have managed to achieve albeit not much, but a small motivation for what lies further, a small stepping stone to walk a further distance, as what joan and me would used to say =)

i pride myself on the many little things of myself.

but this pride will not ride over me. it will instead serve as a reminder to the better that i might have achieved, to that small fire of persistence for more.

smiles* i hope this lasts

New Post!

2008-09-09T14:34:00.002+08:00

A new post to start off. Have noticed that my recent posts were all filled with unhappiness. Perhaps blogging is really one of the better ways to let off your fustrations bahx. It's really an avenue to get things off your chest and say wad you want literally.

Anyway, nothing much to update. Just that the stupid bimbotic roomie of mine is having some birthday party. ha. guess i have no choice but to be pulled in to help with all the preparations. boo to her. And her theme? FLOWER POWER. gee.

Anyway I'm currently in IT lab 1 doing my fyp. sigh. when will all of this be over? I can't wait to really start working. I mean. I feel that whatever we are learning are just kind of a franework. that will just mildly prepare us for the tenacities of working life.

What exactly am i afraid of anyway? many things in fact. but nevertheless, I am fairly contented with my life now. fairly i say.

k lah. Just trying to create a short happy and simple post to remind myself of the simplicity of life. or not.

tricia signs off.

Just when i thought...

2008-09-05T01:00:00.004+08:00

Disclaimer: If you think you will be angry after reading this post, just go away from this site. The owner here is not responsible for any emotional hurt or trauma that you might experience whilst browsing through this post. She will not withstand any forms of anger or fustration directed to her after reading the following post. And lastly, she apologises for any inconvenience caused on her part.

Just when i thought things were going to be fine.

"Seriously I think you lack some basic courtesy here" = is like a total insult to me. are you trying to say that i'm an impolite person?

Do you think I wouldn't know that it is not nice to ask someone for help and tell the person that it's okay we really don't need your help now that we are going through the proper channels?! Do you think I even feel nice bothering her in the first place?!

Hell. If i didn't comprehend your meaning or your answers or your statements or whatever, can you please try to explain them nicely to me instead of losing your temper? I'm not disagreeing with you in the first place am i?

Please draw the line between personal and work.

today the topic of a hr part-time job was brought up. I really don't know wad to say. though you say i will get a full time hr job. but is getting a part-time hr job now of utmost importance?

I kinda wished hsu chieh hadn't brought up the topic of ww today. So wad if they can't find someone. they called rebecca. not me.

you just seem so good at everything you do. i know for sure you'll get a decent job in the future. but as of now, you don't hold a part-time job too. maybe it's your timetable. maybe you don't have the time. am i just meeting up to your expectations or mine? it's such a blur now. i don't want to think. the pressure is mounting. leave me alone and leave me be. and sorry if you are disappointed with me.

rainy days

2008-08-31T15:12:00.002+08:00

Rainy days are so sucky. I don't really like rainy days. Sunny days are better. I guess i prefer the sun more than rain. And I guess that explains why the only flower I could have ever liked is the Sunflower.

I thought I was nice by helping. woke up early. took the bus. got a seat. nevertheless something went wrong along the way.

made a call and heard something not so pleasant. and it made me wonder if i were to say the same unpleasant thing to you, would the reaction be the same? i guess not. things will only get worse.

There are certain stuff that i really don't feel like keeping to myself. yet putting it on the blog might serve to cause more misunderstandings. boo. i don't want to make it seem that it's unfair that i have an avenue of venting my fustrations and letting you know but you don't. forget it then. i won't say a thing here.

sigh. rainy days just suck.

maybe it's time to stop thinking of others but for yourself tricia.

My driving test

2008-08-24T03:32:00.003+08:00

Hello people! it's me again. Amazing isn't it. how i'm bloggin more nowadays.

Well BIG BIG NEWS. i pass i pass i pass!!

damn if i wasn't nervous at all. it's super exciting just balloting out the test routes that i thought i could almost pee in my pants! well shorts really. then getting in the car with the tester was absolutely nerve-wrecking!!!!

I have to admit my legs were shaking and my heart was thumping damn loud.

I screwed up my first parallel parking though. But after that i pretty much calmed down and tried it the second time. And thereafter, everything went perfectly well.

And i passed at 10 points!!!! whee. super duper happy.

of course shirley and my sister didnt believe i passed. everybody thought i wore a mini skirt to take the test.

hello! wad century is this?! mini skirts aren't in fashion anymore dears.

anyway i'm super duper happy!!!!

oh no. my poor roomie. she sees me reading a book all the time and thinks i'm damn free. well actually i'm not. the storyline was simply too enthralling for me to put down. the more i read the more guilty i am for not doing my work... and well.. seeing you so hardworking for once.

i guess it makes a hell lot of difference now that leon's not here. I do try not to be too close to terence coz i know you wish leon were by your side. but endure!!!! terence went to china for a month and i survived without him.

just think of it as you spending 19 years of your life without leon. so you can do it again too. at least that's wad i think. well i mean. girls can stand up independently by themselves you know. and i always think i'm on an equal footing with the guys, sometimes even better. heh.

anyway the start of a new term. many familiar and unfamiliar faces. boo. lots of hoo haa even before term starts.. and.. it's sometimes quite a drag when you can't tell your friend that he/she is in the wrong without hurting that person. Sometimes you think why does that person keep holding on to that anger and grudge inside of him/her? it's weird you know. holding on to something that makes you feel real miserable.

isn't it easier to let go?

i guess humans are very very selfish creatures. what they cannot get they bear a grudge against. though i don't know wad makes them so selfish about that but yah. selfish humans. that's wad we all are.

actually i always think that the best way to handle a problem especially one involving friendship, is to live and let live after everyone has understood each other. there's no point in dragging it on and thinking why did he/she change and wad it used to be like. basically it's coz we can't let it go.

of course typing it here is definitely much easier than doing it.

right. so i guess i'm pretty much done around here. would love to go back to work soon and get the money rolling in. i'm in need of money. i would like to earn more money now..... for the future?

i know wad i want. so i'm going to get it.

and passing the driving test? it did inch my confidence up that bit of level. i still am the girl i know myself to be. maybe i am finding back myself. i love it. smiles. haha.

tricia, you might be back!

hiatus!?

2008-08-16T01:26:00.006+08:00

hello!

I'm back after a seemingly long loooooong break.

It's kinda good to be back. Something refreshing to start a post with.

I know I've neglected blogging about my 21st birthday, my shanghai trip, my attachment and of course the recent FOC camp 08/09.

But where to start? too many things to blog.

Anyway, just a late thanx to all who came for my 21st party! Thank you! Love your presence and your PRESENTS! (presents more)

My Shanghai trip was memorable! Haha, I really enjoyed myself and I'm glad we went with the people we went with. of course except for 2 people that I do not wish to mention.

Speaking of which. I have never believed that I can dislike a person so much that I really cannot bear to speak or be in near proximity of that person, but i have. I really have someone I totally abhor.

tricia tricia. You don't use to be like that.

Maybe the harsh realities of the real world are catching up with me.

I don't even know how to characterise myself now. What am I? Kind, caring and nice?

maybe not so nice afterall.

Sometimes I wonder What kind of a girl I am turning out to be. I don't feel so motivated nor energetic as before. It seems as if I've tamed down a lot. No longer soaring nor flying. I feel like I have my wings clipped. tight. I no longer feel as optimistic or as happy as I've used to be.

why? I'm also pretty unsure of that myself. Is it true that as you grow up surviving in that awful ratrace you start to lose yourself? I feel so direction-less now. I don't feel very happy too. but I don't feel sad either. Sigh.

But on the other hand. I am happy to see jiaqing and the rest of the guys start their uni lives. It is a brand new start for them and they are enjoying what I used to enjoy back in my Year 1 days before the exams i mean.

I feel really excited for them.

Well guys, don't forget us girls ya.

And even though I am not a frequent blogger. I do blog. Just that I feel lazy to log in and blog.

And a blog isn't really very personal if people keep quoting what you have written in it. It seems to me like they are using my weaknesses listed out in my blog to make a personal attack on me. If you know what I mean. Or perhaps I am just being over sensitive.

Aiyah. Actually you know wad. I just hate the current me. I feel like I've become so draggy and emo. Am i????

Is this a phase everyone has to go through in life? Where they find themselves direction-less and helpless? It's a stupid phase in life though. boo.

And to my dearest Lim Mei yin. Happy birthday lah you. hahaha.

Glad to have you xin yue and low xuan with me through those JC days.

You have always withstanded our bullying simply by being you.

Love you lah. yucks. Hope you had a wonderful time at MINDS today.

The start of a new sem. everybody shout! *WHOO HOO!

yeah right.

Tricia has blogged. She's off now. Till next time then. ta~

the end of a new start

2008-05-11T20:50:00.002+08:00

yeah. it's the end of my exams but the start of my professional attachment!

ahhhh.

want to know how my work has been?

it's not that bad... except that i was told that i have 3 projects to work on with a 4th coming my way soon.

and it was right after exams. so yeah. kinda sucks. i dreaded going to work so soon and i really relish the two days break i had before going to work.

well, exams were... alright i guess.

sem after sem i just hope for the best. it's always the case. but this sem i went back home to study. so.. well. i also don't know lah. but since it's over. there's nothing much to talk about.

however i do need to add in that xu was exceptionally undertsanding and nice to me during the entire exam period. and i felt super bad at pang-sehing him to go home to study. coz his roommate wasn't around most of the time and he was alone in hall. sorry!

but he was super duper nice about it. and when i came back to hall, he took great care of me. his just so nice that sometimes i wonder why do i anger him and make him pissed with me. but oh wells. there are bound to be quarrels.

but the happy times we have and the thoughtfulness of him does make all the quarrels seem so minute.

i guess i must say i am extremely lucky to have him.

i also think that i'm not that good a gf. haha. coz.. i also don't know. maybe i'm more selfish towards myself. as in i always feel that there's not really such a thing as forever because sometimes the unexpected do happen and people change.

so when we talk about the future, i will always be like no promises, you'll never know what's gonna happen kind of thing.. and i always feel a bit afraid to fully commit. not that i'm not committing fully.. but just not so... you know.

but i've to say he really surprises me at times by being super thoughtful. thanx a lot man. ha.

anyway i thought i would have a lot to blog about. but apparently now that i'm typing. there doesn't seem to be anythgin to say.

oh yah! haha. my birthday party then. haha happy to be having one. invited my closest friends and it's meant to be a close-knitted event. hee.

i hope my friends enjoy my party and have as much fun as i do. and whatever presents you all are going to give me, i will love it.

can't wait for that day.

now that i am starting work. xu has been coming down for the whole week to accompany me for lunch! ha. see. he can be really nice right. well my colleagues are super weird.

like they prefer to not go out for lunch or prefer to pack lunch in the office and eat. like,we're already stuck in the damn office 24/7 and they don't even want to go out and eat and liek get some air?

haha and office life is maybe not just right for me man. i'm always falling asleep in front of the computer especially after lunch. i have the freedom to surf the net for the purpose of doing work. but then again. i'm tired of doing so. nobody cares what i'm doing. there's a hell lot of autonomy. which is good. and bad. haha.

but it's only for 9 weeks. now there's only 8 weeks left. ha. yay!

oh yah. and bad news!!!

xu might be going overseas for his pa man!! aww shucks.

feel so left alone. hahaha. like i'm the only one doing pa. but nevertheless. he will be missed!

argh. 2-3 weeks. sian diao.

wad am i going to do?

but never about that. shall appreciate the fact that he is still here!!! yeah.

alright. i'm going to watch show now. yeah!!!

can you smell freeedom!!!!!

happy happy!

tricia is happy!

no oec again

2008-03-27T01:42:00.003+08:00

Esther says i'm er xin coz i only blog like once a month? ha. but i'm not. i'm just plain lazy and too busy to even do it.

oh wells.

anyway, glad you had a smashing wonderful time during your birthday party!

as i've said before and now i'm saying it again. uni is suffocating. i'm piled up with work right up to my neck and i can barely breathe. I'm missing out on my sleep and worse of all, i feel miserable and pathetic. but just a little update, it helps that lucky me got the attachment with Singapore Academy of Law.

But the bad thing is i don't know if they accepted me coz there was no other choice since lincoln didn't want to do his PA there or they wanted to accept me initially but due to me not being able to commit they now have to compromise with me having to do PA for 9 weeks. sigh. I mean if i know they didn't want me as an intern then I don't thinkI would have agreed to go back there to work. Seems desperate too. And if they really didn't choose me over lincoln in the first place, I think I will be better valued elsewhere as an intern.

But seems that the wheels of fate had something in store for me to have me gotten back this PA. but what the wheels of fate never quite told me was the thigns i had to sacrifice for this stupid internship.

firstly to MY DEAREST ROOMIE,

SORRY GIRL!!!

because of my PA and my committment of going to Shanghai for OCIP, i have to forgo going for OEC which she painstakingly organised.

i know how disaapointed you must have been.

i know how much you wanted to me go.
i know how it sucks that your boyfriend cannot go coz he has FYP and now your bestie, the person whom you thought you would be able to count on can't go too.
but believe me, i really had planned to go.

my exams end on the 2nd of May. now I've to start my internship on the 5th of May. which kinda really sucks. (will be elaborated upon later)

so roomie, do think of me when you are there. and how i really really wish to be there but really I am here, stuck in the office located at city hall. don't be too sad k? i'm really really sorry.

next on, i've a presentation tomorrow which i really hope goes well and that i will be able to gain an A for this report. but it seems kinda hard coz with the group i have, i'm not sure how well a report i can get. I have this free-rider who really does not come for meetings at all and does the minimal work that she can. I think it's really unfair that there are such leeches in this world.

and what's more, I absolutely am hateful of the fact that they always like to throw back the work to me. like even after the job is split up and done, I have to be the one that compiles everything and send it to everyone again.

Even after the editing, I'm still the one stuck with the report! I am really getting fed up with them and it made me realise that for certain things in life, you can only trust yourself. Well, watch out for the PEER EVALUATION man. I'm usually very nice, but sorry, you guys have toed the line.

It was really damn stressful doing this damn project with them coz i never knew when they could be trusted. They all looked to me for assuming the leadership role and expects me to do everything for them. Then who may i ask, do i look to??! I couldn't even find someone in the group who knew exactly what was going on and start a discussion on certain stuff about the project.

it was scary to know that the decisions you made might not be right and leads you no where! yet there isn't anyone there to look out for your mistakes or cover your back or even tell you what should be done. I HATED the fact that I did almost the whole report and most of the work involved throughtout the sem.

It got worse when I couldn't get the 8 weeks PA i wanted and i was super stressed up in finding a PA for my internship. I couldn't remember how many resumes i have sent but i could count the number of replies I have recieved. which was virtually none. It got worse when Jasmine and terence both got theirs and I didn't and I didn't want to be left behind.

And then as always, it didn't matter how long i've been in uni and when a new term starts. I'm always feeling very stifled and suffocated here. there were times when i would imagine things and sink into utter desperation and depression that i would constantly think of home and the protective shelter it always offered me. I would often relish the feeling of being loved and showered with care of concern by my parents by them coming to my room whilst i was studying and asking me to take a break or have some hot tea.

The pressure here was mounting and constantly on the threat of bursting. there were many a times where i suffered in silence and it felt really weird to just talk to someone. i guess my roomie would know that there were times when i was really stressed up with my projects and work. I'm thankful that she has so far been so good, occassionally stealing my food here and there, but nevertheless being accomodating to me and sometimes my horrid mood swings.

It also didn't help that I've had my menses for close to a month now and i wonder how much i can bleed.

there were times when i really felt like totally quitting school and leaving behind all that i've worked so hard for. there were times when i totally felt terribly miserable and i wondered what my existence on this earth was. but there were times when i thought of my parents and the hopes they had and the disappointment they might have, and that kinda gave me the strength to pull on. but because of that i often wondered if i was living for myself or living for them? i used to be this happy-go-lucky girl. but i'm not what i used to be.

in fact, i didn't even know when or how i became the state i am now, and how much i have changed. all i know is that i'm trying to get out of it, and find the real me back.

there are also times where i truly and really wondered if terence really understands me at all. he sees me as this small immature young thing that really deserves to be slapped and taught a lesson about life. i often wonder why is it that he always gets upset with me when i seriously do not think i'm in the wrong. coz i have always believed that for every action that you do, you will have a rationale behind it. it's not that you will always be right, but if it is a decision you have made for YOURSELF, THEN YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT.

coz there's really no one you can blame when things don't go the way you expect them to. but even if you don't agree with my rationale, you can only ADVISE and RESPECT the wishes of the other party at the very least. it's the kind of dignity and respect that i feel we human beings in general owe each other at the very least.

but yet at times, I feel i have not attained the kind of maturity that terence has and i feel that maybe i've lost much of myself in trying what he expects of me. have i? at times i really wonder what is it in the first place of me that he is attracted to and whether i have lost it.

sometimes i feel he doesn't puts himself inmy point of view, or takes into account how i might have felt, but inside, he is one who sees the whole picture from an overall view instead. It's just like how he sees the big picture, but me? i'm only focusing on the emotional side of it.

he may be feeling stressed. but individuals have different levels of stress tolerance. i may seem like someone who cannot take hardships or stress, but i disagree. there's a limit to how much someone can absorb, and maybe i've starting absorbing the stress and pressure since year 1? i may have broken down and cried hell lots of times, but it doesn't mean once i've done that everything is alright. it is only a momentarily relief which doesn't totally eradicate the root source of it, and i sure as hell wish i could get of uni life.

but i'm still thankful and grateful that through all the horrible sides of life, he is still nice and caring towards me. but i guess this is a side that i will only get to see when he cools down. coz i totally cannot get anythign across him when he is mad or angry with me, and sometimes it leaves me feeling rather afraid of him. afraid to tell him how i feel or the thoughts in my mind, coz once he disagrees with them or htink they are stupid, i confirm plus chop guarantee and stamp, that he will most of the time argue with me. then he gets angry and mad. haiz. sometimes a girl just wants to be heard.

but at least through the ups and downs of life, it really makes me feel better to have such a support. and there are also times when he can be really sweet and nice, and i find myself so lucky.

of course not forgetting my roomie and my friends. i feel so lonely in school coz i don't exactly have a clique. and i'm just so sick and tired of making new friends anymore. if they want to be friends with me, then they should just come up to me and be my friend.

in all people!

it has been a long post. and this contains one of my innermost thoughts and feelings. please no sympathy or any other kind remarks or sms to me when you read this. it is not needed. i will grit my teeth and endure the remaining stupid years of uni and conquer that degree. mind over body mined over body mind over body mind over body.

lots of love tricia!

jia you!

stuck with projects

2008-03-06T15:28:00.002+08:00

hello all.

it's been ages since my last post.

hope you all are still there.

i'm at nbs reading room now. alone. finishing up my assignments and trying to finish my 3 pending projects on hand. how great is that.

suddenly i stop and look around, and have this urge to blog.

i've gotten so tired of constantly being a mad rush. as i've said before and i'm saying it again. maybe uni isn't really the educational instituition meant for me. in fact i feel that it is fake and money grabbing. seriously if you want to educate us, why do we need to pay a high price just to learn something?

funny right. and what's with being highly ranked in the board of the best universities of the world?

3 projects pending. 1 law assignment to hand in. and much more readings to catch up with. will working be better? i doubt so too. maybe i should just continue taking up part time studies while working.

i pon my selection and recruitment module today. ha. first pon of the year faced with disapproval from xu. aiyah. but i couldn't care much now. it's only my first pon of the year. sick and tired of being the guai kid or the guai group memeber who does her revision and work. it's stifiling and suffocating in here.

and no i'm not going through a state of depression. i'm just lamenting on the way things are now.

for a moment, i want to go back home, to the protective comfort of my family where i know i will be safe and sound.

don't really feel like staying in hall anymore. just that the convenience of it complements my laziness.

well, many many birthday parties coming up next! to all my friends who are turning 21 this year! happy birthday! and yeah. it's really great to have met up with friends at birthday parties. great get togethers but pocket burning too.

it's like a stress reliever for that moment.

hate unis. screws up my periods.

always always after a long break from uni, i'll be back in school. and that's where my menstratual cycle becomes haywired and screwed. no i'm not pregnant. guess it happens when i'm feeling stress. which always happens once term starts. sucks.

but it doesn't matter. as long as i am on the positive side of life, nothing can possibly go so wrong.

sometimes xu comments that i'm not understanding enough. is it really? i also don't know. there's no best practices for being a good gf. maybe i really don't care about his stuff as much as he cares about mine. is it good or bad?

but it really isn't intentional on my part. sometimes i really do forget stuff. or rather most of the time.

my attachment results are also not out! so bloody freaking slow.

alright. hoping for more time and more meet ups to come!

waiting for the guys to come uni this year too! maybe things will be better when we get together as a group!

so long. ta~

Chinese New year!

2008-02-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

yahoo!

it's the time of the year again for chinese new year, bah gua! ang bao and lots of gatherings and catch ups! whoo hoo!

sorry jiaqing. i will prepare porridge for you when you come my house.

if you all don't know, this poor guy here has been out of action for almost more than a week now coz he cannot eat! wahaha. no bah gua! no pineapple tarts... boooooo.

and now! to the most important point i'm about to make. tis the season for MAHJONG!

wish me luck man!

if you ever need to find me like form 10p.m. to 1a.m., i bet i will be playing mahjong with my family! hahah, cannot wait. so i must faster catch up on my studies! yeah!!

alright now people.
my new year wish this year:

hope all of you have a happy year ahead
no more global warming
no more wars and bombs and conflicts
no more terrorists
only peace joy and laughter
and of course! hope i can do well.

oh and i've submitted the companies for professional attachment. i've reaceived a call for an interview for one of them. that is SAL. singapore academy of law.

didn't know whether to feel happy or sad coz it's one of the few choices that i didn't mind going but alas! it's ten weeks!! oh boo. i need to go shanghai. damn and darn. oh wells. wish me luck for my interview then!!

love you tricia!

a hard day's work

2007-12-11T23:38:00.000+08:00

Mood today: Fuzzy, moody, a little upset

today was kind of like me going back to work and working full shift. worked from 10 - 9 as i would have normally had. but it was a little different in the sense that it was my first time back at work after a month and tedious period of exams and studying.

well.. it was still okay in the morning, me being nice to customers and vice versa since it was the start of a new day.. but as the day wore on it became draggy.. and felt kinda sian coz it seemed like i was always pressing the queue number and i grew tired for talking so long.

it got worse in the evening when my colleagues were complaining of wanting to go home and customers arriving after work and some of them taking their time and making endless enquiries and finally when i was about to go home there was an irritating uncle. ah wells.. always the LAST customer is the WORSE. it's the same with answering the phone. you tried to be nice, to pick up that one last call before you leave and well, it always turns out to be a nasty customer.

well that uncle was the stupid last customer i served and i patiently explained to him what i needed to explain and started typing in the registration for him. by the time i was done there was nobody left in the centre and it was a little after 9pm and he even asked me what time we closed. he KNOWS that he's the last customer damnnit. then he wanted to borrow my stapler to staple the whatever registration forms and receipts and he couldn't use my staple!

alright, so i volunteered to staple the stuff for him and he wouldn't let me. and he used my staple with such brute force that i thought that the staple would spoil! it was my favourite staple and it still can be used! why should i change another one.
then as he gave up trying to staple he exclaimed, "staple so hard to use. cannot even staple. you all bonus so good, why don't you get a new stapler. i don't want to staple already."

you know wad. STUPID ASSHOLE. don't know how to use the bloody stapler then don't use. serve you like shit still so bloody ATTITUDE. i'm not really being paid to take your attitude after office hours you know. and for bloody hells' sake. that stapler you were using? IT'S MINE. it's not the bloody company's one. I PAID FOR IT WITH MY OWN FREAKING MONEY YA. asshole asshole asshole. stupid pissed. you know how tired i am still have to smile and serve you politely.

and today. two customers wanted my number and wanted to treat me drinks. the first one was an abc who looked totally singaporean but acted like an ang moh with a slang. kinda.. act. if you know wad i mean. the 2nd was an uncle who was SUPER IRRITATING and getting on my nerves when he kept pressing me for my number and wanted to take me out for coffee. gosh! i mean. wad the hell?! stop being so pushy!

and then after a hard day of work for me with no esther around somemore! argh. i had to recieve a tellin goff for having too many activities. SIGH. i don't know anymore you know.

i like netball. i played it for interhouse during secondary school.
i like volleyball. i enjoy playing it during jc with my classmates and the canoeist.
and i absolutely adore badminton.

you know, just because i'm not in any of the above mentioned sports cca in secondary or jc doesn't mean i don't have an interest in it. i do. i just didn't pursue my varied interests. or i'll be really busy i guess.

it's really hard to have gone through 3 freaking months of studies with little time for sports or exercise and trying to pull up my stupid grades and feeling damn horrid waiting for the papers to come when i had a balance of sports and studies before coming to uni. it's kinda like a regime really. even after a levels when i was working.. i still found time to go to the gym at least twice a work.
it just feels so good to sweat it out and feel healthy.

you know. sometimes i feel uni is such a drag.
thank god for the people i meet. they'll really nice up till now. and funny. if not uni would be seminars projects exams. seminars projects exams. sem after sem it's all the same! it's fast-paced, it drains you, it leaves you gasping for air. and plus, the fact that stubborn old me wants to work part-time, not wanting to always depend on my parents for money. always wanting to be finanacially independent. i have even lesser personal time. who's to blame you tell me. who's to blame??!

do i always take on more than i should? but i'm not complaining. i think it's fun. it's challenging. but maybe that's wrong. do you think i'll find working life a bore next time? coz it's going to be mundane. and it might be worse than uni? oh dear. then that's really terrible.

and you know wad. next sem my exams ends on the 2nd of may. and 6th of may is my professional attachment. now how lucky is that. shirley ends on the 25th of april. argh~~~~~~ how horrid is the university. can't they rotate the exam dates. i'm painstakenly waiting for the papers to come. it's really damn torturing.

sometimes i feel that i'm really idealistic, setting my goals and my aims high into the sky. sometimes i feel i'm really unrealistic, setting goals too high into the sky.

anyway. xu is going to vietnam from 15th to the 20th and i'm so going to miss him. and kids camp got cancelled coz they had too many volunteers. i know aloysius and the kids will be disappointed that we cannot go for the camp. but we'll find a day to take them out though. anyway. i'll probably be going out with low xuan on the 18th and i managed to be working on the 17th and on the 19th.. not so sure wad. but there seems to be something on. maybe go k box or something. hopefully the days and time will pass by faster and xu will come back soon.

anyway, happy one year! and thanx for your gift though it's superduper expensive.
ha. and i think. it's a pity when couples like each other, but they split coz they have different mindsets and ideas and characteristics.

me being too busy will always be an issue. but seriously, i really don't think i am that busy. it's just traveling to and fro to school home and work takes up lots of time. especially to school and from home. or from work. takes an hour at least. which makes me feel that i have no time or stuff like that. IH is only once a year i guess. it's now or never. will i form a netball team when i'm an working adult? ha.. maybe if i work in some company we could form a company netball team huh. or even badminton team. and fight with other company's badminton team. you think it's funny? i think not. maybe in the future it will come true.

anyway i'm tired of blogging. feeling much better after pouring out my woes. hope esther comes back to work soon. see! even in december when she's working we hardly get to work together. anyway, have this training course this sunday provided by the company. just looking forward to the buffet dinner only.

i guess even if we're poles apart, we could still work things out. but you've got to be reasonable and a little bit more open. i hope i've been more understanding and less selfish too. i really don't like the fact that you think you are not always right right but right most of the time and even if you aren't right, you aren't wrong either. can it be possible that you're never wrong?

if we don't learn from where we fall, how can we pick up and improve? but i guess i still like what i see in you and i'm always getting into trouble anyway. have faith in me my dear. trust that i can do things right my way. even if i fail to do so, you can be my support net! and encourage me! i'm independent. i have my own way of thinking. i'm your equal. we are partners. we work hand in hand. it's not employer-employee. i have the initiative. i'm a strong girl, a strong contender. yet i'm a frail (but not ugly)duckling where i need your support and encouragement.

sounds like crap i'm talking about. got to work tomorrow. work's tough. short-handed. too many part-time, too little full time. company's not so good on the humane side.

tricia's mood now? better! definitely!

alright. tomorrow will be a better day i hope. i'm going back to hall. where i can hug dear old pillow. pillow i miss you!

this is life

2007-12-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

yeah. finally.

the exams are over and i can finally have the much well deserved break.

ha.. you can never imagine how.. this sem this is.

i'm so freaking glad they're over coz i had my last paper on THE last day of the exams. how horrible is that. i mean the last few sems i had very early papers and it was horrible. so maybe they decided to give me like later papers so i can study more?

but i tell you. I DON'T KNOW.

coz of course i had time to study.

but the waiting was TERRIBLE.

it's like you waiting and waiting for one paper. and the next. and the next. and you seeing all your friends going for paper after another.

and then, good luck tricia! all my papers are finished.

so envious!

but i guess it was okay for me till the last part of the exam phase..

coz i had to wait for my last paper.

and living in hall was like... totally disgusting coz everyone wasn't really around, and it was so quiet.. and lonely.. and just plain suffocating!

lucky i had xu to take the last paper with me. it was really a horrible feeling the last part. the 2-3 days before the paper. coz everyone started not being in hall anymore and it was just left with us. if xu hadn't took this module. i think i would have sunk into utter depression. well not say utter depression, but it's the feeling you get where you just simply not feel like doing anything more and you just want to drop dead and die and sleep and relieve the world of your puny existence.

ha, thanx xu. well, maybe not so much thanx since you had to take the paper too. but it's comforting to know you're not alone.

anyway. hell's over. just praying hard for good results.

and wow!

updates!

me ugly(serena) and devi(derrick) took part in brands marketing competition and we won 2nd! wow! i'm so pleased and happy with myself! and us of course! the nights of slogging and practising were fun but tiring! and i felt drained of my brain juices atthe end of it all. but i guess it was a damn good experience in all AND we were featured in NTU's corporate website! that's super cool!

i got to experience wad it was like presenting in the boardroom and the boardroom table was just so damn freaking long!

but yay! we're going to have to go down to collect our prizes next tuesday! happy!

and haha. i think my hair looks pretty nice now. since it grew longer. shall considering cutting this length and style next time. =)

there!

looks not bad right. ha!

but then. i still like long hair. coz it's hot and irritating at that length. but with long hair you can tie it up. but oh well. with short hair. no need to maintain. but need ot buy gel. see how.

but i'm still PRETTY.

ooh. and i went to watch enchanted today. ha. thumbs up* it's truly and really a walt disney production. and funny. tomorrow, i want to watch hero.

and when i go back hall, i want to watch... heroes. whee!

then.. it's going to be back to work for me next week manz.

kinda sian. coz having worked at comfort for some time.. almost two years in fact.. i feel that i have already learnt whatever that can be learnt there already. i guess that's why people job-hop huh.

there;s nothing much for me to learn there and it might be time to move on to greener pastures? but then, other than the pay and the flexible time... well i did meet some nice people and some people whom are just cynical? well.. i don't know the word to describe them but it's not good lah. is the working world like that?

ha. well different from my expectations. but i've been warned.

anyways, i went to for a mini facial today coz the facial centre VANILLA that xu goes to were giving him the voucher since it was their tenth anniversary. it wasn't so bad and the result showed me a brighter and cleaner face. BUT.

as always. beauty comes with a price. the freaking package is exepensive! well not expensive if you consider long term wise, but for me, a poor NTU student. johnson and johnson facial wash twice a day will do me just fine =)

i plan to work hard this december. to earn more money.

so i can lead the lifestyle i want =D

actually facial doesn't sound bad you know. can consider going coz the effect is there. but.. i mean i have so much stuff to buy. i just saw a new anime that i can consider buying.. and i have to get cheryl teo's birthday present.. and.. yeah well, expenses for the month?

but nevertheless, it's somehting that's going to be at the back of my mind, till i'm rich.

anyway wanna contribute to save the tricia fund oh please, can contact me. be more than willing to help =D

lastly, singing karaoke with xu was kinda fun and funny =D

and i wonder. wad is love and how long will it last?

just have a nagging feeling in me that i'm afraid of. i mean, how is it possible for a couple to stay married so long and yet still be in love? i'm just scared that one day i wake up to find myself just not loving anymore. and it's scary. coz i don't want to. but feelings cannot be controlled.

i hope it never happens to me.

part of the reason was coz when i was going out with irwin and yah there was a time i decided i didn't really like him anymore and that we should just not be going out with each other anymore and that's when i told him that we should just remain as friends.

maybe coz i was too young to understand a thing? or maybe not. coz afterall i stop liking him and just wanted to remain as friends. i don't know. it;s complicated. but just a random musing.

anyway. two-timing guys are just such jerks. make up your mind which girl you want man. and end it off with one before going out with another. indecisive two-timing bastard. i mean we can understand if you have a change of heart, but, shouldn't you end off what you started before starting a new one?

many things have happen of late it's sad!

i think maybe the world is angry with us for polluting it and everything. and not taking care of it. just want to say, rest in peace to von's mum and to the 5 dragonboaters.

tricia was here. the cold grey world?

linkin park concert 2007

2007-11-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

linkin park concert was a blast.

except for the two china guys who were standing right behind me and jiaqing.

if you're wondering what happen to bey yan and boyfriend, they got pushed alll the waaaaaay to the back. so ke lian.

wad a crowd tonight. it was unruly and pushy. so different from the padang crowd at the first concert.

now, back to the two china guys.
not that i wanna be stereotype. but then i don't understand why they had to get over excited and keep pushing themselves, and their sweaty bodies and their extremely SMELLY ARMPITS to our faces. as if we didn't had enough to breathe already. ( one person fainted riht at the start of the concert). i mean it was so freaking damn obvious that there wasn't much space and they had to push and shove and used my shoulder as their TRIpod stand. my name is TRIcia. not TRIpod.

oh yah. and he ang mohs too. they came late and from waaayyyyy back, they pushed themselves waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy to the front. wad the freak.
IF YOU WANT TO COME FRONT, THEN COME EARLY AND QUEUE DAMNIT.
we queued there since 3pm. and there was quite a long queue in front of us already. furthermore, we queued in the hot sun at 3pm. hello. then go in and kena push by all you people who queued lesser and with ABSOLUTELY NO CONSIDERATION at all.

so angry.

but then the first number that LP did was bleed it out from their 3rd album as predicted by jiaqing. and they started the concert an hour late and didn't apologise. sian. so big shot.

nvm. next time, i'll get the seats one. b15 east side is a good area for seating as it had a great view of the concert stage. anyway, people were ushing and shoving that the barricades almost fell.

and chester was awesome. he could belt out a slow number with a nice voice and scream his lungs out without losing a tremor. that's waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy coool. but then they didn't belt out my favourite song from their 3rd album which is leave out all rest. saaadd. but it's okay. me and jiaqing were super high.

and THANK YOU YOU LEE FEI FEI for your chivalrous act of protecting me from smelly armpits and unruly people. lucky you went. you're such gentlemen today. only today.

so being nice. i shallhelp you advertise.

anybody want to go LIANG JING RU concert or ZHANG XUE YOU concert? please contact lee jiaqing.

thank you! stay round!

tricia is happy and tired.

that's her linkin park for you.

goodnight!

good luck for exams!

and yay!

esther can come back and wok with me in dec!!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAMN HAPPY!!!!!!

new hairdo

2007-09-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

the picture below is of me during my birthday. still so pretty. got long hair somemore.
but. i've been having long hair for ages. so i decided to go for a change.

and as my cousin put it, a radical change did i undergo.
so i cut my hair short.
and it's damn freaking short.
but i think.
it's okay.
i can laugh at myself.
and laugh myself i did.
but i still think i am pretty hor.
ta-dah!
the new me.
triciateohuixin.

this is boring. so i decided to spice it up a bit.

now how does that look then.

ain't i cool! if only i can spice it up a bit more. but the hair doesn't stay. have to use a bit more gel. damn.

how does it look? cool?

ha. the new generation of tricia. gen x. gen y. gen tri.

Hall X FOC 2007

2007-09-21T23:57:00.001+08:00

My pretty cousin got 3rd! isn't she cool. i think she's pretty. i guess it's all in the genes. wahaha. oh. and only the two girls in black are cousins. i mean. wahaha, wuite obvious the extra one don't have our good looks =P she's just my roomie. (maid too)

i like this photo! it's damn nice! it was taken at SRC. the backdrop and everything just gives it a good feeling doesn't it? haha, love playing sports...

ta dah! that's our whole OG during FOC. isn't it cool? miss FOC. it was so much fun.

51 GLs! yeah. after much hardwork i'm glad we manage to do it all by ourselves! *I proud

red are we. that's our hall colour.

yeah. i hope i don't join too many hall activities. i'm handling it well now. but that's just the beginning. anyway. i'm in a project group that i don't really like. super sian diao.

but you just gotta live with it.

jiayoumanz.

linkin park concert!

2007-09-21T23:53:00.000+08:00

hello!

did i say i was a linkin pak fan?

i'm here to say it again!

yes i am.

i'm going to watch their second concert! whee! 13th of november.

guess who i'm going with?!

bey and her bf desmund and leejiaqing!

wahahaha. can't believe leejiaqing is going with me. and we got the free standing area. so we're gonna lose some weight coz it's going to be so hot and sweaty with all the jumping about.

right. so tricia is a linkin park fan.

ciaoz.

i'm a linkin park fan

2007-06-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

i'm a linkin park fan. truly and really i am.

i thought i was disappointed with their new album.

but really. how could i? i was just too busy to even pay attention to wad i was listening. i'm not disappointed. in fact i'm overwhelmed. their music is just as good as it always has been. only it just ends a little abruptly.

i'm loving it man. it totally depicts everything in life in such a magical way.

wad would i do without their songs in my life?

i eagerly anticipate another new album from them.

no regrets to having 2 albums.

05.06.07

2007-06-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

05.06.07

i thought this was a good date. nevertheless i was proven wrong. last year 06.06.06 was a good date. and i remembered 08.07.06, but today? yes it will be remembered but for the wrong reasons.

i believe everyone of us wields different kinds of power in us. the power to love, the power to hurt, the power to provide happiness to others, the power to inflict pain.
a pity some of us don't recognise this power we hold in our hands.

you wield a power so strong that just a single line from you washes out whatever hope, joy, happiness that you have in your heart. whatever you are looking forward to? gone in a flash. poof. just like that. and you don't even know what's happening around you. suddenly everything whirls around you, you don't know what you're feeling, what you're suppose to be feeling, and what is feeling??! all you know is anguish, tears, pain and aching which dulls you a lot. see. that's the power some of us hold.

i once knew a girl who was so looking forward to something. she contained her excitement, her joy and her happiness in her. forgot how it felt to be sad. she counted the days looking forward to that one day only to find it all in vain, her happiness shortlived. can she feel angry? who's fault was it anyway? just a slip of tongue, a moment of temper and that moment she's been looking forward too gone with the wind. wad can she do? salvage it? i think not. how? she got pushed away.

unknowingly you wield a power so strong.

today i wanted so much to run. pent out all the "dirty" energy in me. i want to run. i want to perspire. feel the tears of perspiration dripping down. i want to gasp for breathe. i want to be red in the face. i want to fly with my legs. i couldn't and i didn't. the longing to do so in my heart remains, but it's meaningless if you know now you have to run alone for a long time to come.

ha. wad's the matter with me today?

i'm sad. i'm angry.. and sad to say.. i'm hurt. i used to be so happy. wad has happen to me? i feel life's a struggle. especially now. since i entered uni. it feels different. i feel so torn apart. i've lost my goal in life. i feel i've lost everything. wad have i gained? a school full of competition? my close friends all far apart from me? i can make friends easily, but so? how many often stay with you? you can have many you call friends, but not all connect together with you mentally. not all know when's the time to be silent, not all know when to lend a listening ear, not all know when to just sit beside you and hold your hand. not all... not at all.

how many truly know you? do you truly know yourself? wad's going to happen tomorrow? wad will you be feeling? you know. as much as the world can take only so much, a girl can only take so much. i'm breaking apart. save me.

if you're reading this post. no comments on it. let it be. let it past. tricia teo just doesn't seem to be the girl she is anymore. ha, wad do you all see in her to be her friend anyway? see. my self-confidence just lowered. damn this is bad huh.

i had not wanted this post to be a sad one. a one that wasn't me. afterall this is the first time i'm picking up my fingers to blog ya. wad the hell. it wasn't meant to be like that anyway.

wad was i suppose to blog? i was suppose to blog about my act on tv, my birthday and the gathering with just the girls and the canoeist. anyway thank you guys. it feels good to be together. and thank you all who made my birthday a wonderful one. i love the birthday wishes. makes me feel remembered. thank you.

tricia shall end this post now. who's tricia? you ask.

xu

2007-05-05T02:40:00.000+08:00

haha, just a thank you post. thank you for everything!
may not have told a lot of people.. but what does it matter? word gets around anyway. =D

yupz, my boy, terencekoh.

Liverpool again!

2007-05-05T02:30:00.000+08:00

alright! looks like liverpool has beat chelsea and moved on! european cup! mohd yasin you better not miss that match!

yeah! liverpool's the coolest club ever. i still like michael owen. i think he's a very good striker. just too bad he has lots of injuries. and... just too bad he choose to leave liverpool. but wells... i still like michael owen and i still support liverpool! remember! on the 23rd of may, it's liverpool VS Ac milan. ha. ac milan is the second best team that i like. and my 2 favourite teams are fighting. but the funny thing is i don't know much about AC milan, but i think they're good. not that man u isn't.. but just... i have a feeling that AC milan is a decent team.

anyway oh way, i saw the AC milan match against man u.. and i was kinda disappointed with man u's lacklustre performance. i mean come on, you have to be better than that. 1st in the premierleague but what a performance against AC. was super not impressed. and kaka's cute. and good. you know why?
ha! coz he is wearing the no. 22 jersey! wheee!!!

and you know wad 22 stands for?! yup yup yup!

so smart of you reading my blog. it's my birthday! whee! 22nd of may! =D auspicious lucky day! you want to have some luck!? you can! you can celebrate my birthday with me! yeah! isn't that cool!

and can start cheering for liverpool too! =D
rafa benitez is not that bad afterall huh.

and you know wad! linkin park's album is coming out soon!
but!
i will not buy it straight away.
coz!
everytime buy too fast. the next moment you know, the new cd comes with some dvd or something. that has the coolest MTVs of them and all that stuff.
so
be smart!
don't buy too soon!
=D

and i've watched spideyman 3~!
well.. it's okay..
but i felt that the show was kinda long and my butt and legs were cramped.
and i wanna complain!
golden village air con is super cold lah. i mean. how you expect us to enjoy the bloody movie without first freezing like shit? should make us feel comfortable right?
wells..

tricia stops blogging for now.. nightz~

finally a post.. and moving on

2007-04-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

finally a post!

haha, i know how esther's been complaining that each time she comes to my blog she sees the same date. i guess it's true. it's been more than a month since i did my last post right?

shall update.

been mugging hard. my two main papers are over.. feeling a sense of relief. i really don't wanna be like last sem.. losing my confidence, losing hope, panicking and feeling worthless.

this sem i've worked harder.. and if the results don't show.. i really don't know.. but nevertheless.. last sem still affects me. the feeling of going to the exam hall.. it's just different.

anyway for me, i have more projects as compared to last sem. and out of so many project groups, i love my ob group the best.
ob stands for organisational behaviour.
you know.. after this sem of many many projects and presentation, i've realised that, it really takes a lot for the group to work out and have a sense of camaradie. it's hard if you're all friends... can be friends, ARE good friends, but things just.. simply don't work out when you're group memebers with them. it's totally different.

but i guess it's the same in life. you can't choose who you work with, who you are assigned projects with.. you just gotta live with it. however living without dying first is important. i hate it that we become survivors of this world, fighting to survive, outdoing one another, competing.. why can't we just accept that there will be people who are less than competent yet talented in other areas?

stereotyping... true. everyone says academic isn't everything. but do they practise what they preach? no. do they truly and really believe what they say, or are they just following the general norm of what everyone's saying? following and believing what you are following are two different matters.

anyway you know wad. i typed this post like last week. and i didn't have time to finish. now my thoughts are like halfway in this post and halfway in my mind which i cannot remember. sigh. why can't i just blog everything down at one shot!

haha, but i guess that's just me! whee!

anyway, i want to show you all my OB group! they are really nice people!

i'm a lucky girl.

anyway when we're together we always like to ear good food! =D

starting from the left! that's derrick, tingyi, terence, me! and serena! we crossed-dress for our presentation that day!

and there's the 3 "beauties!" ta-dah! close girlfriends too!

food! anyway i will miss them especially coz we're all going to different specialisations... i do hope that we can get to take some of the common modules together though. and you know wad? they are the closest group of friends i'll ever get for my uni life, without joan, xin yue and mei yin they all. i hope to meet more people like that. ha..

nah.. actually don't know wad i'm talking. but at the same time, i'm also glad that i have the canoeing girls and wei lu they all in jap class. it's fun!

and i shall stop here. and go type another post.

ta~

gathering on christmas eve i think

2007-03-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

i was browsing through my friend's blog, my cousin's and of course my own blog. and i realised that mine is the most un-updated. boo.

anyway i was looking through the pics in my com, and i realised that i haven't been putting up pictures! yeah. anyway, here's the canoeist outing on new year's eve. yeah. i confirm it's new year's eve. and we went without pk and benjy! coz they couldn't make it. and as usual, there's me esther and shirley. as always more than as usual.

haha, anyway, with shirley's nice camera, we took some pictures.

there's norvin, john john and ronaldliwanhao! guess who took the photos! it's yours truly!

there's one babe with 2 idiots.
there's the same babe with her centre of attraction being snatched away!
that's still the pretty babe being bullied by 2 idiots!

that's 3 babes!

and don't know if you remember, but ta-dah!!!! wahahahaha.

see! it's still the 3 of us! but this time we were younger! my hair grew. shirley's hair curled. esther... still wearing the same shirt. it's her sentosa shirt! =D and we looked tanner here! damn. those were the days.
and our very famous tau pok! haha, poor weiqiang! so cute.

the 3 babes and norvin acting as a stand in hunk. see. jerry king's in the background.

me and esther, best colleagues since year 2005.

they said not to smile and i didn't smile. but they did. then they didn't want to smile and i did.

and here we are at bimbo's house. i look like a small kid. it's the angle of the camera. really. remind me never to pose like that again. see the cute girl beside me? that's hiang ling. shir's sister. it's amazing isn't it. of having the same genes yet turning out to be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. one's so smart, the other's just... plain BIMBOTIC. haiz.

anyway i had lots of fun that day, amid being tired, i was glad to catch up with the canoeist. i hope to see them during new year, but alas, new year will be another post yet again. till then my fellow canoeist, let's meet up in one whole complete group k?

let me set the date.

it shall be a very good and auspicious day.

hmmm.

22nd of may then.

=)

tricia you smart girl!

the world and i

2007-02-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

world and me.

i ignore the world.

the world ignores me.

sighs.

why so busy tricia!?

i don't know.

things just have a way of catching up with you,

jia you bahx!

siansation

2007-01-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

woah. looking from my post i reliased i have not been blogging for a damn long time.

yeah. now i'm back. sorry to my avid readers whoever you are out there. if there are any.

anyway wad has been happening of late? school work homework.. the usual.

school is as always the same. i have more presentations this sem, more projects and this means a hell lot of work to do. the only perk is that i get to attent jap class with esther boon wei lui ying ning and my ever bimbotic roomie. ha.. it's really cool attending lessons with them coz there's always much laughter and we always use jap class to catch up on each other's lives. something which was lacking last sem. it's really wasted that bey is not here. and i've not seen her for quite a long time. oh wells. absence makes the heart grows fonder you know.

marketing is interesting, but i think ob is a bit better and more interesting. my marketing class has lots of outspoken people. ha. unbelieveable manx.
i'm glad to have serena to work together with in marketing projects though. she really brightens up my day. ha.. and of course i have peishan with me in ob class... though i really relish the idea of working on a project together with her.. alas as fate would have it. wah. i'm being kinda drama. but then i haven't been blogging for the longest time.

and i want to change colour. ta-dah! i've been going to work! throughout. and one thing is that it's great going back to work, doing what i'm ever familiar with. but then gu nai nai is quitting. how come all the people that i'm close to in the office just wanna quit? no hor. it's definitely not because of me. but then i just feel a bit sad coz.. she's always been the one helping me no matter work or just joking around.. the others are well.... unfathomable. it's hard to predict or see through a person's character. that's why i'm studying organisational behaviour. ha.

anyway the working life is completely different. i've realised that i was once very goal-driven. i wanted to accomplish a lot of stuff. but recently i've become very lazy and unmotivated. i've also realised that i've neglected lots of friends.. and that lots of friends have neglected me. is it because we are at the same stage of our lives where we become too busy? as in i'm busy and so are you. so if possible we can not meet up for now.

do i really seem damn busy? haha, i guess so coz that's wad a lot of people have been saying about me.

i am and i'm not. coz usually i'm either really too busy, or i'm very lazy. yes lazy. my major.... flaw.

i need my low xuan they all. i owe keith something big. haha. and yes.. mr hue too. and where's xiao sam? before he goes army i have to meet him. and then there's chong. i haven't been chatting with him for ages, totally cut off. sad case sia. it's just me i guess.

i'm feeling a bit weird today anyway. something feels wrong yet i cannot exactly pinpoint wad is it. it sucks.

have not been spending much time in hall. whatever happen to me? i admit i used to be more out-going, now.. i'm pretty much laid back.

never mind tricia. jia you you! you'll find yourself back. you always do. this time it;s not exception. just taking a bit longer. you love your old self anyway, the ever funny you. the ever irritating you. the ever mature and oh so serious you. yeah!

ha.. some motivational pep talk huhz.

anyway mohd yasin owes me something.. yeah! and now there's this new sports thingy called Xphysique that combines running, kayaking, cycling, swimming, abseiling and.. climbing! altogether in one day. looks like lots of fun. but..

see how ah. it's something that's quite intriguing.

for now. ciaoz. 08 30 lessons today. love you all out there!

tricia rocks her own socks!

first week of school

2007-01-12T12:01:00.000+08:00

the first week of school has almost passed by now.

it's seemingly toned down from the flustered first week i expected.. other than the stupid add drop period thingy that we had to go through. you have to get the slot you want as well as fighting it with hundreds of others who might be eyeing on it.

however for some others first week of school seems to be very very busy for them..

oh wells. i cannot afford to be super busy or anything. i need to work hard this sem. i want to get what i want.

and the feeling of disappointment sucks. it's like having something nice in your possession and having it taken away from you just like that. maybe for some others out there it isn't the way i have described it, but it is to me that is.

life so far is pretty alright for now. i'm feeling rather happy and contented and hopefully it remains this way for the rest of the sem.

yay! new year is coming! good good good. can meet up with everyone again! so cool!

kz. ciaoz. i have to go to work.

hall IH

2006-12-17T12:59:00.000+08:00

today was inter hall games.

i guess me and roomie didn't do too well. don't know. seems like every sport i join i also don't do well huh. canoeing too. but it's okay. i tried? though today's badminton could have been better.

it's okay then. thursday still have! play to win!

sometimes i feel that my life in uni is pretty screwed up. i realise i don't really like having two homes and my stuff in two places. it's kinda confusing where's everything and on top of that i keep forgetting if i brought this and that along. but to ask me to travel from home to ntu, i'll say it's a total waste of my time. i don't know how mei yin does it, but she's good. she can cope. she can manage. maybe i'm spoilt maybe i'm not.

sure. home's surely the best. i agree. but it's not that i don't want to stay home. it's the mah fan part that over rules the going home part. anyway, there's usually nobody at home. go home and slack? might as well i slack in hall? i don't know. sometimes i just wish i were home. sometimes not.

yeah. sometimes go home also get nagged at? mummys' like really good at that lah. i just wish she would learn to trust me and my decisions more. come on. it's not like every single decision and every single step i take is wrong. having lived on earth for wad.. close to 20 years? would i not know wad to do and wad not to do? give me a chance.

i know she's just worried. afraid that i'm just too soft-hearted. maybe i am and always will be. but i want to trust my own judgment and decisions. i may not always be right, but i am not always wrong.

this is stupid. some self-reflect session?

i read someone's blog just now. i think certain posts are just so damn interesting. it's the kind that actually gets you thinking.

i don't know. sometimes i just wish for someone to hold a decent conversation with me? we could talk it out and not argue about certain topics? i need to speak my views and i would like to hear yours. well... i guess i cannot do it if you choose to walk away huh. but it's okay. i know i'm pretty assertive about my views. and it's not easy to out speak me when i feel strongly.
i guess... chong's one of the few that could ever make me pause stop and re-think whatever it is i said. but it doesn't mean he's always right either. and i accept the fact that i can be wrong. haha, i guess i'm just weird. needing people to talk and discuss about dumb topics. well well well.

tricia tricia tricia. life's pretty screwed up huh.

and i probably know why i don't mind going back to work. coz so far, it's probably the thing that i do best. it's something familiar, not something foreign.

i believe this is only a stupid passing phase. it had better be on its way then. i cannot and i will not keep feeling this way.

i'm sorry i always seem so busy. to huiqing, to joan and the rest, to the canoeing girls.. etc etc i just cannot seem to find enough time huh. always giving last minute comfirmations and stuff. sorry! actually i'm really not busy.. just a clash of timings always.

ha.. when can i ever find time to find myself then? i need myself back!

suddenly the world seems so big... and me? so tiny.

tricia came. she left. she might have disappeared.

10.12.2006

2006-12-10T15:04:00.000+08:00

dear blog. i'm sorry you were being neglected. i swear i promised to update you since it's the holidays now. but i've just been too busy.

yes. same excuse all over again.

sometimes i'm just so lazy to update you anyway. i'm sorry!

anyway today is a good date and day. don't ask me why. but it just is.

and my mei mei is working at downtown east, if you have the time to waste or the time to spare, you all could go visit her.

pathetic pay and a not so nice boss there. but it's your job so work hard! just don't forget it's your holidays. go out and enjoy yourself.

anyway been working my ass off since holidays started. okay. not to say that i didn't enjoy going back to work. but there's so many customers each day! and i've not adjusted back to the full swing of the working adult life. haha tiring at times but.. thank goodness i have esther ng yen yong. work doesn't seem so dreadful with you around!

i tell you the parents and the kids these days are really attitude-able. parents asking about the driving packages right to every last detail when they're not the ones learning!?

frankly speaking it's really impossible to absorb every single thing that's being said upon registration. so let your own kid learn and ask. i mean once you start going for the lessons you surely will be familiar with the procedure??

and it's really funny if you can't make your own decisions. most of the time i'm talking to the kid but the parents make the decisions for them. oh wells.

and anyway!! yesterday 09.12.2006 was my dear colleague's wedding and her birthday! congrats to you evon!

i think she looked really radiant that night. and her wedding photos were damn cool lah. it's seriously damn nice! felt quite envious of her! but the photos were really well taken. service at the restaurant sucks. i told 3 different waiters and waitresses to fill up my glass and none did! idiotic.

shit. i will not forget that i have to register my subjects on 12.12.2006. it's really really important. =D

alright. i don't know wad else that i wanna blog but, thank you chong as always. haha and all the best to your exams there.

tricia came and left.

holidays

2006-11-29T05:26:00.000+08:00

hello! i'm here to blog again!

yes! boon has finished her exams today! cool! soon ng yen yong will finish hers too!

yay! then followed by my roomie and bey bey. good. then we can all go out together again!

low xuan and xin yue finishing too! mei yin's finishing same time as my roomie!

can't wait for everyone's exmas to be over. then our hall can remain the lively and noisy hall it has always been. and we can all go out for block suppers! that's like super fun!

i had mini block supper with lao da weixiong huiping and james just now! it was very fun! it's fun to just chill out like that and eat good food! lao da drove us out one.

i went out with my mummy and mei mei today. went shopping and my legs got tired. poor legs.

hmmz. need to occupy myself! i've got books puzzle books and shows to watch. yeah. need to iron clothes tmr. sighz. the chore of ironing! oh wells. a girls' gotta do wad a girls gotta do.

5 days seems so long. hurry come back you!

anyway i'm going back work on fri and sat. hopefully time will pass quickly there!

tricia was here. she said. she left. bye you all!

liverpool!

2006-11-26T02:11:00.000+08:00

yay! liverpool won man city! and steven gerrard scored! okay

rafa benitez is improving. but not as much as i would like him to.

liverpool is very good! must make good use of the team!

but nvm. okay!

that's all!

tricia was here again!

backz!

2006-11-25T19:56:00.000+08:00

i'm backz!

yay! my blog's not dead anymore. welcome me back mohd yasin. haha, dying to read my posts right?

to you you and you and whoever else going to brunei thailand or taiwan or wherever! take care! haha, don't start a war k. just kidding.

yah. so i haven't been online for a damn long time. i mean super super long long time. and i'm missing my online lifestyle. why? coz of exams? yes and i realise that i really have to buck up?

not mainly coz i was slacking throughout, but rather, too many activities that i attempted to handle. which i ultimately found out that i couldn't and shouldn't. should't push myself to wad i thought i could? yupz. don't follow me k! it's not a bad thing to set goals for yourself, just too many at a time kills. and i dieded and was reborn,

and i still agree that, uni is different. like damn different and sometimes i feel so not me in uni. where's the study and cca thingy that i was so accustomed to for 6 bloody years of my life? instead i had hall activities, lectures seminars tutorials... and it looked pretty much unbalanced for me.

i didn't had low xuan. i don't have xin yue. and no mei yin for me too. i realised how much i really love them to be here for me! i had a really trying period. and this sem. was the worse i could have ever asked for.

of course. not that there weren't many happy things happening. but i have never ever felt so low and down during exams. this is not me. not me not me not me.
anyway, thanx to my forever being there for me roomie. and to many others.
thanx for the lollipops. colourful! ha..

but i'm okay. alive and kicking. and i'll bounce back where i fall! yupz. coz tricia can do it!

now. one more paper. looking forward to holidays. looking forward to meeting up with the canoeist, to catching up with news and gossips and to just have fun like we used to =D looking forward to new year too! looking forward to going to work with esther again! forever best colleagues ya! haha and we can celebrate our one year anniversary? cool right.

anyway, here's a message for you:

it doesn't matter wad others percieve you as. as long as you know you're not, so do not care wad others say. i know for one that you're not, you will change, and you will definitely let others be in awe of your good character and personality! ha, wad ah lian right? stupid shit. don't know how to be appreciative of who you are doesn't deserve your friendship. the most take it that you have an honest friend? but yah. try not to let me meet this friend k? first impression not very good already. jia you during work then!

tricia is finally here! and she's leaving. good luck all the papers. haha, chong i've updated! take care you.

tricia was here!

blur

2006-10-24T19:42:00.000+08:00

it was really funny when i went to work on sunday just to realise that i did not have to work that day. haha, but it's okay. means i woke up earlier to study. and that was good k. anyway studying at home seems to suit me best. although i can study outside too. but still.. nothing like home there.

anyway i have officially quit canoe polo. yes. what a pity huh. it's just too bad that i cannot cope with so many things. but i guess... there are more important things to focus on in uni. shall not look back, shall not regret. i need to do well for my papers. need to and have to.

was chatting with george the other day online. and he's super cute. haha, george is my mummy's friend son. and he's japanese and very small. cute huh. wah and actually i meant to blog about a lot of stuff. but then it's been too long so i kinda forget.

ah! i saw zir zir the other day at the driving centre. i just knew he would be coming to learn 2b one of these days. and he's just as irritating as ever. chong is sometimes online, but it seems like we have nothing much to say to each other nowadays. why? i also don't know. maybe both of us are just too busy.. ? but that just isn't really an excuse is it.

anyway my roomie's birthday came and went. haha, i bet she had a fun time. going to marry her off soon.

went to watch deathnote the other day. was a pretty good movie. but as always with jap movies, the plot is nice but the show a bit slow-moving. anyway there's a part 2 coming up! and you bet i'm going to watch it. and i bought my addidas liverpool tank top!!!!!! yeah! how cool is that man! next will be the jersey! but i think i can get it from queenstown.

aiyah. but then that day liverpool vs man u they didn't lose. they just never win only.

my life

2006-10-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

wah. it hasn't been that long since i last posted anything wad. now my tagboard's gone?! haha, darn. lazy to do it back.

anyway, uni life is fufilling independent busy and fun. it's not easy to manage school work, cca and other activities. i want to think i can do it. i want to look back and say i've done it. i want to. but the process's killing me. not really lah. but it has made me wanna give up more than often. no matter how much i motivate myself. please. no motivational talks and stuff. been there done that. of course, i'm thankful for the little encouragement people give. but it doesn't matter coz its all inside of me. i must be the one to motivate myself afterall.

canoe polo is tough. like seriously. i'm trying though. not easy. but at least.. the only comfort is i can turn myself up without anything but just me myself and the boat. cool huh. but there's still lots to leanr, little energy and no time at all.

work. work is the same. it's great to see everyone again. it also helps that i've been mugging. so going back to work was like a refresher course. a breather reather. some said i slim down. which i don't deny. coz i realised my appetite is smaller.
not very good.

studies.. trying to catch up. got to make time. got to make time. haha, i am trying lah. hard though. but no matter wad. i'm going to pia. mind over body!

love life? hmmz. if it comes it comes. i guess, if someone suitable comes along, why not? but i doubt i have the time and energy. haha, so much for saying studies come firsts. actually at that point of time i really meant that. but then if you think you've met mr right, then its different. don't get the wrong idea. i'm not in love. i'm just talking in general. i guess if a girl says studies comes first, it means she's not interested in you and that to her at that point of time, studies comes first. i mean, if she thinks you two can be together why not right. but certain things are just not meant to be.

wah and i realised, 7 hours difference is too much! i haven't seen chong in for so long. i know he's busy and so am i. but i don't even get to chat with him. argh. that's not helping.

tricia is mad. byee~

just read it

2006-09-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

uploading pictures usually takes up a lot of time. especially the dinner and dance one. coz it's really a lot. but for the sake of my avid reader mohd yasin. i took down the song on my blog (though i was planning to already. just lazy) and now i'm typing this post in. sighz. out of my busy busy schedule still have to entertain him.

hahaha. just kidding. photos will upload later. if i can finish my homework.

i decided! to join canoe polo. well my roomie cum bestie decided not to. coz as it is, we're already involved with a lot of other activities. but still... having to juggle cca and schoolwork since pri school has sort of been the norm. now, to be without a cca actually feels funny to me. so... trying to juggle schoolwork, cca and work.

i know i know. why work right? hmmz.. not that i'm trying to be some superwoman or wad. just helping to ease the burden on mummy and papa. hostel fees ain't that cheap ya know. and so is school fees. and great. they wanna increase the bloody transportation fares too. money suckers. that's not very nice lah. now increase a few cents. by the time i'm working don't know increase by how much already.

if you'd like to know, canoe polo is tough. well my canoeing skills and experience doesn't counts for much. to me. although it helps. i still have to sort of start from scratch. trying ot catch up. and training is kinda tough. well, since i made my choice.. jia you! should not give up so easily. it's a fun learning experience too!

haha, and yes. breaking benjamin is nice. though according to benjy the name sounds wrong. but! ntu has some restrictions to the dowlonading of stuff. and i cannot seem to download their songs. sighz.

ah! yah! jay chou newest cd is not bad. i mean. his cds are all not bad actually. i'm very impressed with him. songs are unique.

and i had dinner with hue kaixiong that day. came all the way from work to ntu. hahah though it seems like some big sacrifice to come all the way down to boon lay to have dinner with me, it's not. his attachment is somewhere in choa chu kang. so not that bad lehz. quite near. and i think he looks quite toot in his suit. hahaha! sorry!

k lah. i have to update another day. muscles are aching like hell. sighz. big arms? nahz. just toned arms. toned!

night you~ tricia signs off.

projects and more stuff

2006-09-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

lots of projects coming up these few days. lots of activities too. since it's recess week.

but i guess i'm staying in hall for most of recess week. why? hmmz. no answer to that. it's not like i totally dig hall life. neither is it coz i dread going home. coz it's just so mah fan. to have two homes now. and my stuff are practically all over the place. if there's one thing you need to know, it's that i totally hate mah fan. whatever that can be avoided gets avoided.

i'm looking forward to the break!

one thing to add. in hall i like to open my door. coz.... it's hot. and coz it makes the room more airy. but then, opening the door is akin to inviting people in. when... at certain periods they are not very welcome in coz... either i need to do my stuff... ALONE. or that i don't wish to be entertaining, or that, i need to be alone.
well. usually they are very welcomed in actually. just a minority that is not. coz they a bit buay zhi dong.

not that i trying to be unfriendly. but i mean you don't enter into people's rooom when apparently we're busy and it's pretty obvious or rather, VERY obvious that we don't wanna be disturb.
we don't want! we don't want! we don't want!

anyway i also don't know recently why i like to pick on stuff that i see people doing that i don't like. and i like to form an opinion about it. which isn't really a good opinion. hmmz. it's so not me. pms? maybe. but seldom do i do that! darn. don't know wad is happening.

and anyway shir's quite poor thing. coz when i don't feel like talking, everybody thinks i'm very sad. then they will ask shir, when there's actually nothing wrong with me. i just happen to look moody. haha, then they will think that this roomie is utterly ungraetful and unconcerned about her fellow roomie. though partly is coz she keep running off to don't know where.. and most of the time leave me alone in the room! =(
*lonely.... i am so lonely... i have nobody.. all on my own.... wwwwaaahhhhh.... wow wow wow*

okay but actually i am not sad. nor am i moody. maybe sometimes. especially the last week when chong was leaving. but other than that. no. i tend to be a very happy girl. even if i am not. i don't express it explicitly.

and. just in the defense of my bimbotic roomie.
bimbotic she maybe, but she still has a bit of brains. enough to know and understand me very well indeed. wahahaha.

i think i'm in a cranky mood today.
when is linkin park coming out new album.... =(

and yay! liverpool won 3-0 against tottenham hotspurs! wahahaha. first half was damn wad lah. they missed so many goals even though they had many attempts at the shots. argh. pek chek sia. but it was funny how the commentor goes, "and that's gerrard!" or "there goes gerrard!! and oooh!!! " if you don't get wad i'm saying.. you have to imagine. you can start by watching the fantastic replays of the goals and get the feel. and then. you can start supporting liverpool. hahaha, i think the commentator likes gerrard a lot. cool. gerrard's my next bestest idol, second to owen. the new striker was pretty good though. couldn't catch his name. lousy at names.

i went to work today. we got cheated of our contract! hmphz. i really thought we read through the terms and conditions properly =( yen yong! i'm sure we didn't read wrongly! haha, and yes you are right. i still have you. anyway chong will come back. i'm sure. meanwhile, we need to start saving to buy U zap!!!!! i know! we can combine forces with boon and shir and bey. zap our arms.
oh business at work was good. i pulled in sales. 5 customers! whee! and yen yong enrolled in about 5-6 customers lor. which is a lot too! see. we're still good temp staff =D

k. enough crapping. nightz!

leaving

2006-09-22T12:25:00.000+08:00

when i first started counting down, 30 plus days seemed like a long time. soon i was left with a week and then a day, and then you said bye tri!

and you left sg on the 21st of sept for some imperial college. hmphz.
haha, well take care you. i'm glad we had a chance to meet up. but not because i really wanted my book badly. well partly. but still, just wanted to tell you take care goodbye and farewell. had nothing to give you as a farewell gift.

to tell the truth, at that point in time it hadn't really sunk into me that chong was really leaving. haha, but i guess when we met up, it sort of dawned on me that i won't be seeing him for a reeeeaaaallly damn long a time. haha, was quite sad! but i'm glad i took a picture with him. at least for memories sake. maybe when we meet up a few years later we can compare photos huh.

it's funny when we actually parted, you going home to bedok, and me going back to ntu. seems so separated. haha, it was really funny coz at that point in time i felt that i was losing something. haha, i mean, not like this is some kinda sob-sob love story. just feels funny that you're not in the same region as me. it's also not like we always meet up, yet still.. can't really explain. just feels i just lost an really important thing.

anyway enough of my funny emotions.
but.. why your school so near chelsea home ground! haha, at least not arsenal. but then chelsea got one player i don't like. i don't like drogba. haha, i want michael owen;s signature and photo! must be signed with love from owen to lovable tricia. haha.
and please eat more there. i think you looked quite skinny when we met.

tricia was here!

tricia and chong

chong =)

gathering @ ntu

2006-09-17T05:13:00.000+08:00

lee jiaqing is back!
and he came to ntu to visit us. heh. good to see lee fei fei again. and he has slimmed down!!
gosh. look wad army does to a boy. indeed, ns turns boys into mans. wahahaha. cool. no wonder jerry king forever so childish. coz he never go through ns.

so long never see jiaqing! so me esther boon bey and tourmaline went to eat at can 13 to sort of have a small gathering. i enjoyed myself lots! it was damn fun to crap and laugh with all them again!

even though this post is a little late, but nevertheless, i still wanna post it up. hee. pictures later. just came back from dinner and dance. will be posting up pictures soon too! watch out for them!

on another note, when certain things are broken, no matter how you fix them back, it will never be the same again. but it doesn't mean we shouldn't embrace the fixed thing, coz it makes us realise how much we used to cherish or should have cherished the old self.

well.. i foretell that thursday is not going to be a great day for me.

food food food!
more food by courtesy of lee jiaqing! it was his treat! he's earning bigger bucks than i do! thank you anyway!
ta-dah! the man himself. eating as... always. haha
my food! yummy! haha, candid shot! esther looks liike she's gonna drop the tray. but she's not!
hahah, esther looks retarded. so long never play with her. haha, miss ya!
me and lee fei fei looking good =D
me and tourmaline! getting prettier each day girl. lastly, jiaqing anf tourmaline. heh. jiaqing looks too good to be true! haha, really slim down lots. keep it up!

anyway, off to bed.. night you!

back at work

2006-09-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

today i went back to work! finally! with ng yen yong! wah seh. we damn long never work together ready.

and they said that they needed people to work during the hari raya fasting season. and i realised that it's in october!!! and that exams are actually in november. damn. shouldn't have agreed. shucks. now i need to do lots of revision first. but easier said than done though.

hmmz. boon is moving out of hostel =( shucks. means we won't get to bump into each other often. not good.
just realised how i miss going out with the gang after today's outing.

Saw benjy and sean at work today. didn't realise that the one beside benjy was alex though.
and i think now benjy and alex don't look alike. so much for being twins huh. haha

today i served one american lady and her husband.
i realise i can never get used to their way of speech. be it a simple "thank you" or "that's wonderful!" or "that'll be great!" or "thank you very much!". it just amuses me how they can sound so polite whilst at the same time makes it feel as though we're old friends. hah. imagine us singaporeans saying that. it'll be like "oh you can do that ah? good lor. thank you miss." or "thank you ah." or "okay. thanx."

haha, doesn't sound warm and friendly huh. but it's okay. the world be damn uninteresting if we're all the same.

but still the american lady was looking at the test dates and timings while i was looking down and fiddling with the receipts. then she asked, "is there any slots left for october the 27th? and i said, "nope!". coz really don't have wad. then she replied, "oh. you're kidding right?!" haha, and dumb me looked up and almost wanted to say, "huh? no i'm not. the october 27th slots are really fully booked already." when the lady continued, "oh gosh. it would have been PERFECT you know. now i've gotta choose the other slots."

...

i seriously thought she was really asking me if i am kidding her. haha, and i was thinking why this customer so funny. do i look like i have the time to play a joke on her?

anyway i don't want big arms! hahaha, canoe polo is going to get me that! how?! should i join?
indecisive.

well.. my arms can slim down.. but they don't look good hanging by the sides?
haha, see how. yay! looking forward to next week. might be going out for lunch.. hee =) like finally.

tricia was here. she blogged. she left. night you~

hall ten

2006-09-08T02:16:00.000+08:00

just done with inter block games. not bad. joined almost every single that i could play. including billard. haha, which was damn lousy lah. but it's okay. all in the name of fun.

i'm glad i got to try my hand at the various kinds of sports, be it physically or mentally in terms of the board games. decided to play badminton for hall and just went for canoe polo land training. wow. damn tiring. it just goes to show how long i have not touched the weights and stuff. polo is under consideration. gosh, their muscles are like damn big sia. i mean... i'm afraid mine will too. it's already quite big. but then i guess i don't have to worry with so many slimming centres around though.

dinner and dance coming up.

homework this week is still manageable. been dutifully replying to mummy's e-mails and stuff.

huiqing told me she's having her prelims. good luck! i'm sure you can do it. you're smarter than me, if i can so can you.

it's bad when people around you assume things. it's not very good when you want to not be linked to certain things but due to circumstances that depicts where you are and how the thingy goes, you're just related to it in the end.

can't say i like that coz i don't get to make any decisions on my own. it's funny if you have to suddenly talk to people whom you're not close with. but i'll try. you have to do that for tutorial groups too. it's just funny. i guess not everything you can assume. sometimes you have to think in terms of putting yourself in other people's shoes.

great. less than 2 weeks till you're leaving. doesn't sound very good. it'll be different! =(
okay. and i'm still waiting for you to be free. if not then forget it then. not holding up much hope already. just pass the book to stan. he probably can make it to meet me.

i like to take my pace slow and steady. i'm not used to certain stuff.

i don't like for there to be so many cliques.
i miss my honey and the team.
i miss low xuan xin yue and mei yin.
i'm going to miss yet another someone.
time and again, i hate to end up feeling so disappointed.
i wanna go play pool with hue.
i wanna go blading.
i wanna play badminton.

and. get your priorities right.

tricia was here.

heeelllpppp! =P

hurts

2006-08-30T01:22:00.000+08:00

hurted.

bad

2006-08-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

my day wasn't suppose to end up being so bad. but it did. and it sucks.

i can't help feeling so bad-tempered and moody. and i'm sorry i'm like that. it just pisses everyone around me. it makes me feel bad coz i didn't mean to throw my temper at anyone.

everything seems wrong when you're in a bad mood. even right becomes wrong. i'm irritated at the suggestions people give. i'm irritated by the iedas they give. i feel damn uncomfortable coz something's weighing on me.

i don't understand why people can't get their piorities right. wad's so hard about doing something that you're suppose to do and not give any excuses about it. you have to see for yourself wad's deem as important and wad's not. the higher piority stuff that took precedent wasn't such a great excuse afterall ya. it probably could have been done earlier.

it's just unfair to others when they have put in much time and effort in place of yours.

i can't imagine my world without my mummy. i guess it's harder for someone who has just lost theirs. be strong. i hope i won't break down if i see you feeling damn sad and lost =S

things are piling up. i want to say i can't cope. i want to say i wanna quit. i wanna say i give up. but i can't and i won't. if others can do it. so can i. it's just taking a toll on me. it's a trying period. i hate trying periods.

i hate my day turning bad.
i hate the feeling i have that the rest of the week won't turn out to be good.
wad do i want now? i don't know.

arghz. this post sucks. no comments please.

to work or not to work

2006-08-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

to work or not to work? if i go work, means i'll be working fri sat and sun. shucks. no beauty sleep. sleep is very important. geez. and fri frank's asking usout for dinner to celebrate mr oh's birthday. i wanna go. but i guess i'll be like quite tired. sian diao.

then sat we might be going for some farewell party for liling. yeah she's leaving for some imperial college of london. same as chong. chong's leaving soon too. =(
hope he comes back soon.

okay. i'm not hard up for money. but extra cash comes in useful. how how how?

maybe i should ask someone to play scissors paper stone with me.

alright. today has been a not so good but okay day. crappy right.

haha, anyway, tricia jia you! jiaqing!

if you are reading this. jia you k. if you need anything, you know the whole team will always be here for you. =D

goodnight tricia =)

looking forward?

2006-08-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

these few days in hall have been a mixed feeling for me. i'm enjoying hall life actually. coz the freedom's really a lot more than wad i have at home. but i can't deny that my parents have really gave in to me a lot.

i like working late nights. it's peaceful, silent and soothing.. something that my papa won't understand coz he's forever chasing me to bed. but it's such an irony that he actually asks if i wanna watch some 3 am soccer match with him all the time. haha

but then sometimes you can feel really left out, coz.. you have to know where your restrictions are. guilt and confusion are just but two of the emotions i feel from time to time. i guess it's normal. with tutorials that i'm trying to understand plus living the hall life with the best people i could have ever asked for. i guess at certain periods in your life, you have to get used to doing stuff alone. loneliness is not to be feared. to me doing stuff alone gives me an independent feeling in a positive way =)

when things don't go the way you want them to i guess we shouldn't feel more or less disappointed. there's always a reason for the way things happen. but sometimes it's just not fair! hmphz. i don't like i don't like i don't like i don't like. =(

things go awry when you want them to be fine. the worse is when you expected it to happen and it really happened. i really thought i could be wrong, but i turned out to be so right. but since i expected it. it's fine. really. haha..

wad you deem important, might not be the way others see them. alright. that's it then. why do i even bother sometimes. haha, oh well.

don't wanna blog ready. tricia is the best! night~

responsibility

2006-08-18T02:13:00.000+08:00

haven't been updatng for a long time. hall has really lots of activities going on. but they're not reallythe indecent kind of late night activities that people think. they're hall suppers, birthday celebrations, movies.. blah blah blah. haha, and yes block rep. which my dear roomie got choosen for.

anyway staying in hostel i realise really requires lots of proper time management and self-control. haha, i guess if i'm not so lazy, i would have actually be bothered to get up early in the morning to revise my work.

on top of that i'm still going back to work. coz the bloody textbooks in uni are so damn ex lah. whoever said education was cheap sia. so ironic that the government wants to make everyone educated but yet makes education so expensive.

i guess some of us have to learn how to tame down a little and focus on more important stuff. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have fun. aftreall it's only the first sem. you have to sort of like work things out to see how they go before you can actually make proper and right changes, i realised too that other halls aren't really as noisy or fun-loving as my hall. this is the hall for me. hahaha, i guess for others who think that we only love going out for suppers and stuff that's not really very right. afterall it's only once in a lifetime experience.

anyway enough about hall life.

school work is piling up. haha, i'm trying to adapt. yay. jia you tricia. nightz!

hall camp

2006-08-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

ta-dah! that's my block people. we're all staying in hall 10. or hall X. some of them are seniors though. haha, but i bet you can't tell the difference anyway.

hall camp first. it's fun fun and fun all the way. my advice to those going to stay in hostel to go for the hall camp. it's not childish like secondary school or jc. it's interesting and exciting. the seniors are really nice too. they make you feel like there's no senior-freshie gap between you and them. haha, that's how i've always wanted things to be when i was a senior facilitating orientation camps myself.

first day of school was fine. i sort of lost my hostel key coz i left it in the toilet. lucky my neighbour found it. thanx sylvia! careless me sia. if i let momsie know she'll kill me like anything. but it had me panicky there for a while. and i had to go library to print my notes.

shir say when i wake up call her then we go bathe and have lunch together. in the end coz i had to print notes so i went library first then supposedly have to meet her later. haha, but in the end i got pang-sehed! she and my neighbour yvonne went to eat lunch le when i called. it's okay. i'm independent.

actually i was quite proud of myself lah. coz i went to the library all by myself. i took the shuttle bus all the way to north spine, found the library, figured out how to print the notes and found my own lecture theatre. then i managed to find my way back too. ha! i also know how to top up cashcard by myself =)

i guess it's not bad for someone who has such lousy sense of direction.

in life somehow there'll be like people irritating you. i guess i met one of them. trying not to form an opinion before i know him. but it's hard when everyone's talking about it. it's hard when i really feel that it's irritating. i feel bad coz i'm kinda mean to him, and to think that i told low xuan once that we shouldn't judge a person by wad others say. coz no matter how bad a person is, if him/her still has friends around them, him/her can't be that bad really. that's wad i said and that's wad i still believe in. but i still can't make up my mind.

i feel it's one of the not so good phases in my life now. i hope it'll pass quickly. it's a sucky feeling.

i'm tired. night~ =S ah. no comments please.

a new life?

2006-08-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

hall camp just ended. uni life is starting. it's kinda funny and enriching actually. haha, can see that esther has really enjoyed herself at hall camp. of course i did too. new friends, fun, games... etc.

anyway more about hall camp some other post. it's too long to talk about.

i guess moving in to hostel and to the uni is kinda fun. but somehow i feel that while looking forward to this new life, i'm sort of abandoning my old life. it's really kind of a sucky feeling. coz certain things you can't look back and say that i should have done this or that when now nothing you say or do now will help.

i feel my old life slipping away from me slowly but surely. and the worse thing is i can do nuts about it.
haha, actually i'm saying all these coz i didn't get to go out with low xuan they all due to hall camp. and because the other time i was supposed to go back mj with them too but i didn't turn up. well. i guess, there'll be other chances.

but just somehow and somewhere i feel that it's wrong, but i can't exactly pinpoint wherever the hell that is wrong.

probably i'm just jealous that they can go out together but i can't. but then again orientation was fun.

haha, i can't make up my mind how i'm feeling.

but i really wanted to go out with them though.

ahh. messed up messed up. darn.

no comments on this post please.

entrapment?

2006-07-31T01:39:00.000+08:00

entrapment?

read this from my cousin's blog. and i think she's right.

entrapment is like tempting someone to commit a crime so that you can catch him/her in the act of committing it. and yeap. singapore practises it.
taking from her blog an example of an insurance agent who in order to meet a certain quota desperately requires customers. then some plain clothes policeman acting as some rich big shot comes up to him with an offer of helping him to meet his quota on the basis that he has to buy drugs from him. while in the process of doing so, the other policemen of the team comes swopping down liek eager hawks to arrest the poor guy. why? coz he got tempted. it's tempting. but in the first place, were that option not available to him, would he have even thought of it?

just like my cousin, i believe that all men are good by nature. it's the environment that shapes us all. not only the environment. the people, the work we do, the things surrounding us.

entrapment is dumb. i personally knew a person who went to jail coz of that. and there's nothing i could do about it. it's sad coz i knew that she had a great life ahead of her before all these occur. it's not fair if cnb has to meet a certain quota each month and resort to entrapment just to meet their quota.

huba huba?

2006-07-31T01:29:00.000+08:00

seems that my little sis i not doing well in learner's hub huh.

well. you can try not to hate it at least. i mean hating it doesn't help. it just makes you more resentful towards it. you can actually try thinking that it's here to help you. and accept it with grace? can probably start thinking that you're enjoying it coz you get to learn new things and clarify your doubts and queries.

actually..

1) you're not stupid.
2) you're not stupid.
3) you're not stupid.
4) stop comparing yourself with me. it's different.
5) don't stress out too much anyway.
6) i'll help you. but you've gotta come forward to ask me for my help. i won't know when you're struggling or not. you've gotta open your mouth girl.
7) i'm not fierce k.
8) be a hubber not a quitter.
9) if you're teachers don't help you, they suck.
10) we have webcam. you can ask me for help even if i'm in uni.
11) good luck and jia you~

ndp preview

2006-07-31T01:05:00.000+08:00

last ndp at the national stadium! and me and en went for the preview! haha, we were practically rummaging through the funpack once we got it and were seated. haha, and it was quite fun. the fun pack i mean. and it was all in the spirit of national day though it was only a preview. that's me in the cap! and i tatoo-ed my arm! it says: made in singapore.
that's me and en with our caps on. kinda big the cap.
and it was a sunny day =) love sunny days
and us putting up some fine pose before the sun goes down.
and too soon the thingy was over!!! fireworks were great as usual. haha enjoyed myself very much. ah. but stanley was quite poor thing. had to stand guard the whole way while i was sitting and enjoying myself. kohji too. standing at attention for most of the time. and eugene had to be on duty as bus i/c.

but it's a fun experience for all of us i guess. they in ns and us at the parade. don't worry. memories becomes more valuable. their value grows with time.

hostel

2006-07-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

was moving into the hostel for the past few days. haha, some pictures to see how it's like. actually the hostel wasn't that bad... in fact i think it's.. kinda nice. afterall i had a brief stay in sec 3 i think. for some camp.
see. that's mummy papa and my auntie sitting on the bed. yeah. my mummy's skinny huh.oh and here's like some stuff i brought over and put it on the mattress. mattress looks so dull looking doesn't it. haha, and i did my desk all by myself. looks nice?
yupz. these are wad i've put on my desk. extreme right is owen alarm clock. hee. pictures. there's zir and me. mini fan. and yeah. owen figurine! =D well they didn't allow me to paste posters in hostel.. so gotta make do.
then i posted some pictures up on the board too. haha, life won't be the same without low xuan xin yue and mei yin. and of course pictures of my family.
haha, that's my tidbit corner. and of course i put up some pictures too.
ta-dah! i put pictures where there's boon! coz she reminds me of eating.. hee. sorry! hahaha, kidding lah. but kinda true wad.. open to take food i'll think of you k?
and my liverpool bedsheet! yay!!!!!
that's us after the cleaning up. satisfied.
oh yup. here's my dustbine. cool huh. mummy got it for me. actually during cleaning... momsie did most of the stuff.. well not that i was lazy or anything. just that she practically helped herself to doing everything lah. got me irritated sometimes. i mean who's the one staying? but then since she feels that there's a need to do it.. then i'll just let it be. i guess somehow i can understand why she's doing it.

anyway i went to ndp preview coz i had free tix by courtesy of eugene liu. haha coz he won it but had duty that day. well.. thank you!!! coz i went with en and we really enjoyed ourselves. haha, though we were in wrong colours. it was kinda last minute. no i love singapore red shirts. but it's the thoughts that count k. we love you singapore!

and temp staff ng yen yong has gone for camp le. haha, oh no.. will be missing you! haha, but don;t worry. we can always meet up. hall 13 and 10 is not very far. but it was a great working experience with you k!

no title

2006-07-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

nationals are over. and if you're wondering. the guys got 4th placing! and the girls got 5th!

hmm. individual medallists by qin wei and michelle who got 3rd in k2 1000m. that's not an easy feat man. they were 3rd placing behind njc. 1st and 2nd place went to njc of course. then guys.. vasin the new j1 got 2nd or 3rd for his k1 1000m race! and dharma got 1st in his t1 500m race! hahaha, and after that everyone was hailing him king dharma. a well-deserved title though.

proud of the j1s, happy for them and a tingle of jealousy of them. haha.

to move on, i saw an accident that day. it involved a ns guy on his bike. no one was hurt though. ahah, and the first thing i noticed about the accident was sadly not the number plate of the vehicle involved but how cute that ns guy was. aiyah. too bad i cannot get down papa's car to help him.

ah. and i went to the east coast ski cable thingy. haha it was damn fun! and there were jellyfishes! in the water! cool huh. but it stings when you get bitten. and wan yuan got stung. haha made me felt apologetic about dragging her along there.

and i caused a guy to fall. it was really an accident and he didn't blame me for it. it just so happen that i was sort of blocking his way and to avoid hitting me he had to drop off from the ski and fall in the water. anyway i did him a favour coz it was really such a hot weather. i mean, you should just get down in the water and soak it up a bit.

anyway he was really nice about it and even helped wan yuan carry her board. he was 22 and we found out that he was going to sim! same school as wan yuan! but too bad it was only a chance meeting. doubt we'll get to see him again.

and so i got tanner and went back to work with boss commenting that i look black black de. haha, wad. black is good. but i turn white pretty fast anyway, doesn't matter does it. i would love to go cable skiing again. but when i have enough money.

and my hall sorting is done. i'm sorted to.. hall 10! see. like harry potter. and hall 10! michael owen's number in liverpool was 10! so was it in newcastle! it's fated. now all i have to think about is how many posters i wanna shift to the hostel and paste it all over the wall.

sigh. i guess, living with a bimbo is kinda hard.. hor ang hiang en. seriously the things i explain to her... needs to be explained twice, thrice and i feel so dumb. hahaha. and please don't bring so many heels. make up set keep to the minimum. clothes.. not too many. enough to fill your wardrobe. don't pile on to my wardrobe. if you need my wardrobe to put your clothes, i'll charge you 10 bucks per clothing.

nothing much to blog. just that i've found a new fantasy author. robin hobb. although her stories are interesting... it's.. a bit chim. like i have to read at a much slower pace so i can fully grasp it's context and certain paragraphs are.. let's just say it requires a hgher level of comprehending. but nvm, it's still nice to read and had me hooked on for days.

busy watching korean shows too. gosh. my aunties are seriously buying a lot of korean vcds. i'm not complaining though. i get to watch it when they're done. then they pass it on to their colleagues.

k. hall camp next week you know. i shall miss my com. i shall miss slacking. it's so long since i had a camp. and now i've to open up and make new friends.

not blogging ready. my thoughts are all jumbled up. haha, see that's wad you get for not blogging often.

tricia logs off. sayonara!

nationals part 1

2006-07-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

heh. today was the day of the canoeing nationals. and i am proud to say that our juniors did not let us down! there were many changes and even a new event. but yet many were able to get into straight finals and semi finals! including the new j1s! so happy for them!

seems that wad we were unable to achieve, they did it in our stead, but even better than that. they were simply awesome lah!

here's some pictures that i took.

here's queen jac! she started off the races and got into straight finals immediately.first to reach the end buoys.
next race was a j1, who managed to get into semis too! cool huh
warm-up time.
winning champions in their event of k2 1000m! see! they're the first to reach the end buoys!
winning champions michelle and qin wei!!! so proud!
hee. that's yayun! she got into semis too for her race!
remember our brasca paddles?
boats, lifevests...
ah ha! the new teacher miss lim! she looks sweet ya? she's awfully nice too. posing for me and at times chatting with me. hahaha, wah lao. if it's mr tang.... -shudders-
group photo with the girls!
a j1 in his race.
haha, mr lim yew wei! lovable teacher~
xiao hou and wayne coming in second place.
that's the new j1 that they sort of pulled over. he's called vasin i think. from acsi. he's thai. sawadika!
random picture.
another j1 team~
haha, 3 stooges. xiao hou got his leg injured. but still managed to get second place!
haha, me with the guys.
i think this picyure looks like a postcard. nice nice? my photo taking skills not bad can.
hahaha, this retarded picture is michelle me and qin wei pretending that we're in a cold country coz we're all wearing jackets. look like not? haha, truth is that we were damn hot lah.
that's small girl jiayi with her j1 partner. made it to semis too. and beside them is shimin!
weikang taking part in the new event called c1. tough sia. but he managed to get in semis! lost to first boat nj in the heats by a bit only. coz of his direction that dragged him down. well done anyways!
one more j1 also taking part in new event.
another j1 girl in her race.
jiayi and her partner crossing the buoy.
bryan in the k1 boat.
one j1 in the k1 boat.
that's raymond and his partner.
jonathan looking hyped up.
another j1 team.
woah. weikang in his race. not easy huh.

anyway that's all for today. coz i had to leave halfway and i didn't manage to take everyone's pictures. but overall it was great. hahaha, brings back much memories huh. finals this fri! jiayou manz!!

people

2006-07-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

today was supposed to be a fairly good day. in the end it was spoilt. darn. hate it when it happens.

just to set the record straight. yes i may be working at the driving centre. but it's only a part time job. there will be a time to part, and i will not be working there as often as i am now. i am NOT oblige whatsoever to constantly help you look out lessons at your requests and not even more so by your smses.

there's probably a reason why we gave you a userid and password to log in. sheesh. if yuo even think about it, it wouldn't really be fair for me to help you look out for lessons, coz i'm working there and coz.. you're well... SORT of my friend. what about the other customres who are having tests on hand and needs the lessons mroe than you do? by helping you i would be the one deprieving them of lessons to book.
hey. it's a dog eat dog world. you want lessons, you look out for them yourself.

anyway, i see no reason for helping.

coz even though we knew each other in sec school. if you remember, WE had NEVER spoken to one another. even when we were in the same jc. we still hadn't speak.
then, miss lai decided to combine classes for us. if not, we would have NEVER spoken at all yeah. even though so. we're not on very good speaking terms.

and for so long. we have never smsed each other in any way, except to settle school stuff. suddenly you're always smsing me to help you book lessons. what the hell ya.

i'm so irritated. not that i don't want to help. but there should be a limit to the things you ask people to do.

haha, right. so now in a better mood. hmmz. today went blading with en. had quite a fun time even though today was raining. and hiang en. haiz. she can just be the curse of my life lah. hahaha. and she's going to be my roommate. haha good luck to me!

that's all for today~ night

08.07.06

2006-07-09T01:50:00.002+08:00

today's date looks good. 080706. haha, wouldn't it be cool if like my wedding falls on some nice date too. easy to remember too. wonder which baby was born on 080706.

good date means good things. hee. coz i recieved a nice sms. it was exactly wad i wanted. only that i didn't say it. haha, the sms was: thank you princess.
yupz. made my day =)

me and esther were taking bus home from work and we saw this j1 mj canoeist wearing new jersey! i thought the new jersey was damn nice lah. there were two white strips at the sides, making it look like it was sponsered by addidas, and the meridian logo looked nice on it too! it was red and black. damn cool. gosh. and i think it's dri-fit. anyway meand esther didn't dare to turn back to look at the malay guy i think, who was wearing it. but i think quite obvious we were staring at him lah. not him, the jersey though. but i bet he thought we were staring at him. hahaha, oh well..

next week competition kicks off for the j1s! cool. i'll be there to support. and qin wei and michelle makes me superduperultra proud. they're in k2 1000m which was exactly wad me and en took part in. haha, well, they broke and created their own record, which made me proud and jealous! haha, if only we could do the same huh. but it's okay. i'm happy for them. shall not say their timing here. later got other jc spies read my blog. ssshhh =X

anyway band ephyra had a new song title which i thought sounded nice. it's called deaf september. hahaz, song titles are important to songs, just as names are to us. i think lyric writers, or rather composers, and people who name the songs, are way way way smart. even if they don't go to uni or get some shit of a degree, it's amazing how they can come up with so many meaningful lyrics.

okay then. nothing much to crap about. actually have lah. but i kinda forgot wad i want to say. oh wells. night people.
princess bids her people goodbye*

okay just kidding.

saying..

2006-07-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

don't do what you can't undo, until you've considered what you can't do once you've done it

another player

2006-07-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

hidetoshi nakata

hidetoshi nakata is leaving his soccer career. it's japan's loss though. i always thought he was a great player. just that there seemed to be some problem with teamwork coordination that's all.

anyway he's older than me by about ten years. and good looking too. i figured if i could master the japanese language well.. there's a possibility that we could be together. okay. just kidding.

i guess after a ten year long career in the sports arena, it's time to take a break.

it's really trying sometimes, when the sport that you have a passion for actually stretches you to your limits to deny you every bit of self-worth you thought you had. and you wonder where that passion goes. but i guess in the end it makes you a stronger person.

goodbye nakata... have a good life ahead!

work not

2006-07-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

finally me and esther have quit our jobs! haha, well sort of. we're still going back to work like 3-4 times a week only. well.. money IS a necessity somehow.

but other than that, on the days that we're not working, there's just quite a number of things to be done. today's blading was fun coz the whole of east coast was just so quiet and peaceful! and this thursday we're going shopping! haha, though i do not like shopping much, it's okay to walk around in orchard once in a while. especially on a weekday with not many people.

next wed thurs and fri would be the nationals for canoeing and i guess for the first day i would probably be the only one going down. haha well.. guess itmight seem kinda weird if the j1s don't talk to me. but i doubt so. haha, i have missed them and do they. i hope. =) the guys aren't exactly free with their national duties to be carried out. and the girls.... well let's just say they're kinda busy too. but i'm sure if they can make it they'll come down with me.

it's not very nice if you're having a competition with nobody cheering you on right? haha, that's wad we experienced when we started out this cca with no seniors and no proper teachers at all. but now that our juniors have us as seniors, it would seem wrong not to have any down when they are having their competition. and since the competition is on a weekdat and at macritchie... i doubt if any of the meridians would be down to support. haha, but no worries! tricia is here to save the day!

and i have actually watched sky high and corpse bride the other day. two shows which my auntie bought. hee. ah. and by a stroke of luck i've actually gotten myself an addidas jacket. haha, kinda cool huh.

and i'm so hooked on to saiyuki now. just waiting for my pay to buy the third volume.

and on to world cup.. i guess i didn't expect gerrard to kinda.. missed out on the penalties. was quite disappointed. well and caraggher too. sorry i don't know how to spell his name. as for cristiano ronaldo, i thought his goal was nice.. but if the stuff that was reported was true, it kinda leaves a blemish on that nice memory.

and that day dinner at fish and co was nice. it was fun. i wish we could have more outings like that. playing at the arcade was fun too. though stupid shir thought it was childish of me to want to go in and play. hha, but we haven't play in a long time. and it really is a good way to relax. next time shall go again. hahaha.

and yeah. yesterday i was watching superman returns with stanley. haha, it was quite funny coz we mixed up the venue. kinda my fault actually. aiyah. accident. i thought only plaza sing was showing the 8.30 show. turns out cine was too. so stan was talking about meeting at cine while the impression in me was that we were going to plaza sing. dumb. real dumb. but overall it was quite fun. haha and i saw damien at carrefour and he looked nice with his toned and beefed up body. just that head a bit too small. haha, yah lah. but mouth still the same. only know how to pick on me.

oh yes. superman was okay only. it's okay in a way that if you missed watching it, you wouldn't be missing much. looking forward to watching pirates of the carribean which i'm sure bimbo ang would love to watch. with me that is. wahaha.

rich

2006-06-27T00:07:00.000+08:00

i always thought rich snobby women, with that haughty look, cladded in jewellery with the latest tai-tai gucci handbag only existed in storybooks that i've read.

how wrong was i.

dressed in red and armed with the latest handphone, with jewels that sparkled all over her face, she spoke loud enough for the whole room to hear that she was an ex-cdc student. manz. i heard her even before i saw her.

well just my luck to actually call upon her number.

she was actually here at the centre to register on behalf of her daughter who would be learning driving. but to enrol to learn driving. you have to come down personally. which is wad i told her when she wanted to enrol on behalf of her daughter. of course that ang ku kueh wouldn't listen to me lah. and openly bragged that she knew my boss as well as the other big shot department heads. let's call her ang ku kueh k. coz she was wearing red. wah lao. now new year i'll be reminded of her.

she also added that her two older daughters also got her license at our centre and that she just bought a car for her second daughter when she got her license. and also because she knew this and that excuetive, we should make an exception to let her enrol on behlaf of her third daughter. okay lor. no choice. and then.. she refused to listen to my explaination about the driving course and said that there was no need to explain anything coz she was so freaking familiar with the procedures that went on. so any attempts to explain ANYTHING at all to her was useless.

okay then nvm. after she went home, she called our centre to complain why i didn't tell her that now we can just choose to learn how to drive autocar without going through learning manual car. kaoz. but before registration i asked her thrice if she was sure she had already decide to learn manual or auto.

kaoz. i hate rich tai-tais who act like they know everything lah.

already say ex-cdc student le. why? want to let everybody know how old you are ah. imagine your age when you got your license and your age now. act your age man. chidlish ang ku kueh.

and of course she demanded that my boss call her tmr. we shall see. if boss makes me apologise to her. i won't ever do that lah. coz i'm not in the wrong. hmphz. i just knew that right from the start we shouldn't have made an exception and let her enrol on behalf. so wad if you are flithy rich. it's kinda unfair to other people who came all the way down to register personally, as well as those whom we told to go home coz they cannot register on behalf of their family and friends. not everything works with money. i only enrolled her in coz my supervisor told me too. if not i would have asked her to bring her daughter down personally.

kaoz. and i have to scold her daughter lah. why must your mother do everything for you. who's the one learning driving? just come down personally also won't die wad. somemore you younger than me one year, very busy mahx? mummy's spoilt girl.

at least if you are rich, be a rich person with character. stupid ang ku kueh. hope her license kena revoke one day.
if you're rich it's fine with me. but don't ever use your wealthiness and influence in front of me. it's not fair to other people who aren't born rich. hmphz. pompous woman.

and i regret that before she left i didn't ask her how many more children she has left.

unconceivable

2006-06-25T01:55:00.000+08:00

it's hard.
sometimes you just wish for a more stubborn, more straightforward and frank character of yourself.

It's hard too. to be restricted by the things as well as the people around you.
but don't we all grow to live with that?

it's hard when you feel invisible walls closing onto you.
it's hard when you try to do something, but not get the result you want.
it's hard when... you try to speak to someone but your words just pass straight through.
it's hard when, obviously you are standing there with everyone, but the other person only notices your prescence when everyone else has sat down.

i just wish i could be a little teeny weeny bit stronger than i think i already am. i just wish i were to be a teeny weeny bit more firm in my decisions.

i just wish.

starting school

2006-06-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

the other day i enrolled some indian guy. and his name was damn long. haha, it was 18 alphabets long!!!! wonder how his friends call him.

probably use a short form i guess. if not. wad happens if he were to be in danger?

hey (-18 alphabets long name-) ! look out! danger!

haha, just kidding. but his name is really looong. amuses me so much so.

anyway went for ntu medical check up today. haha the doctor was quite nice. asked me whether i had to work a not. then when i told him i was working at comfort driving centre, he said, "oh the taxi company ah? quite good ah."

haiz. it's a driving school. not everything that's comfort has to be linked with taxis.

then after that the doctor asked me to lie on the medical bed and prodded my stomach. then he told me not to tense. but i wasn't tensing lah. if he found my stomach hard, it's probably coz of my stomach muscles. hee =D it's my 8 pecs! lalala..

anyway owen is out. i guess it's his hamstring problem. haiz. he should get it cured once and for all. it's so troubling to fans like me =D

and i'm going to quit my job soon! one more week! one more week! then when i get my pay, i want to go buy saiyuki reload gunlock? haha, i cannot remember the name. but there's a gunlock behind.

and there's plenty of new movies coming up! there's the new movie show by lee joon ki! it's called the king and clown that's coming. then there's superman. and there's just my luck. and there's the break up.

haha, show you a pic of lee joon-ki. he looks kinda feminine. but he's a real man ya.

sweet dreams tricia~~

owen neow

2006-06-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

oh manz. owen is slated to be out for 5 months. shit. world cup once every 4 years and he had to get injured.

kaoz. was looking forward to seeing him score goals this world cup.

i guess i could still look at gerrard's performance as well as nakatas'.

and i'm tired. have been working ot the past few days.
and today i met a sort of irritating customer.
it kinda makes me feel irritated when the customer criticises us about the service and whatever crap when they are in the wrong.

already told him the day before when he came that he had to bring along i/c and nets when registering. yet today when he came he didn't bring along his i/c. and still can say we're inflexible when we refuse to register him in! gosh. chicken mcnugget sia. and he went one big round to praise bukit batok driving centre just so that he could compare ours with them. somemore the day before when he didn't bring nets card, we loaned him ours while he paid us cash.

and he had the cheek to say our service standards low. so i did wad i thought was right and told him that he was damn ungrateful lah. wang en fu yi!

me: that day you came you also didn't bring nets card. WHO help you pay?! somemore i told you if you're coming back the next time must bring along your i/c and nets card right?! then today you yourself never bring i/c then want to say we inflexible and service standard low?! don't register lah you! wang en fu yi!

customer: i know i know.. i know that day you very nice help me pay. but today i really forget to bring i/c mah.. okay okay. i never say your service standard low. i was talking about your management on the whole. why they so inflexible one..

me: grr...

see. some customers just ought to be slapped. anyway i wasn't that fierce. just a little bit of telling off once in a while won't die wad. anyway the whole conversation took place in chinese.

anyway i can't remember wad i wanted to blog about already. so i'm just going to sleep.

if not now i'm online there's a certain someone i don't want to talk to. but then! the person keep msging me! and we also not say very close can. as esther would put it, we are only acquaintance lah. kaoz.

and you're only msging me to ask me about driving stuff. shucks. wad's a hotline for if you don't use it to call in? i'm off-duty le can. once, twice, thrice... and so many more times. each time you msg me online is to ask about driving stuff. just because i did you a favour once doesn't mean i'm going to do it forever. argh. irritated.

sleeping now.

haiz.

my owen =(

provokation

2006-06-20T00:37:00.000+08:00

some asshole was obviously trying to provoke me today.
he was on his stupid bike riding towards me and kept steering his bike in my direction, and then steering away, and then steering back towards me again.

wad. is it that nice to see my startled reaction? or maybe he does have a fetish for a pretty lady's startled reaction. stupid retarded asshole.

and he had the cheek to smirk and look at me while he cycled pass. i should have kicked the bloody bike there and then. or probably throw the can of green tea i was holding at him. irritating pest.

hmphz. and at that time i was hungry too lah. boss arranged ot for me till 9p.m today. SHIT sia. i had already packed my stuff for going to the gym today.

but she should at least have the courtesy to tell me that she suddenly add the ot for me. instead she told esther to tell me during lunch. sigh. two mroe weeks and i'll be officially out of this part time full-timer job. i'll be a completely part time part-timer. and there's so many things i would like to do. hee. looking forward to quitting!

and there's so much application stuff to do lah. sian.

haha oh yah~! speaking of application. today me and esther went to the photoshop at our workplace there to take passport size photos. heehee. the uncle there was chao nice.

he charged us 8 bucks for only 8 pieces of passport size photographs when the usual price was nice. wah! gss! haha, no lah just kidding. he recognised us as temp staff so got discount?!

and he even asked us if it was our last day. hee. but we told him soon. and since he was taking with a digi cam, he let us take mutiple shots and let us choose the nicest shot!

haha, then after that he gave us the 8 passport size photos as well as ermz.. how do i say.. ermz well.. he gave us some collage of the photos too! and it's free of charge! haha, cool uncle! love you!

beautiful

2006-06-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

gerrard's goal was just beautiful.

if i wasn't so in love with owen, i would have fallen for gerrard too.

kudos to liverpool's captain *proud

dinner that night

2006-06-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

right. the pictures you're all dying for.
no. i did not embarrass benjamin.
i found something suitable to wear.
and yes.
i dolled myself up. pretty good job huh. i thought so too. all in 30 minutes k. the hair the make-up the earrings the dress the necklace.
well done tricia. i'm so proud of you. you're probably the fastest girl ever who dresses up and end up looking good. *claps.

okay. that above was before i left the house. and going for dinner. next picture is when i came home. after the dinner and after the photo taking i let my hair down. coz... it was such a bother. haiz. i'm pathetic. but it's only a formal dinner. but then.. the girls.. well.. some of them were over dressed. some of them looked pretty. some of them looked funny. some of them... no comments.

show you a pretty picture then. ta-dah!!

so how so how? proud of me? i was quite proud of myself k. although i did went to wash and blow my hair. which cost me 15 bucks. i paid 15 freaking bucks so that the auntie could mess around with my hair.

and i think she was having a bad day lah. gosh, my head felt so battered up after she pulled and tugged and whatever the hell she was doing up there.

those were the days

2006-06-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

wow. the j1s are definitely getting better at canoeing. so much so that i must admit they are doing far more better than us.

but it's different for each batch i guess. not to say i didn't try hard enough. yupz.

haha, i hope they can win. though we all aren't really so close now. seems like they bonded a lot a lot. but we'll be there for them during the nationals! haha, seems like we (the j2s) always meet up, but we never meet up with them to coach them or train them or do stuff that any senior would do. haha, that one i have nothing to say.

sometimes i wish to be there for them too. coz they seem like us when we started out. no seniors to guide us along and stuff. so wad if we were the pioneer batch of canoeists?

don't worry. july nationals. we'll be there.

haiz. ntu's application package just came. gosh. there's like so much admin work to be done lah. sucks man. medical check up here and there. online application. online this online that. taking up a damn lot of my time. why can't we just register everything when we start school. maybe start school earlier or something to get these admin stuff done.

now i have to read through the biggish handbook with loads of information and go for check up. okay. it's not such a bad thing. maybe i grew taller. i bet i did.
haha, just that i probably am going alone for the business medical check up. coz seems like a lot of my friends are different faculty from me.

i just hope i don't get lost. see. now i have to wake up earlier, to ensure that even if i did get lost, i won't be late or anything. i guess i can't blame myself for having a bad sense of direction.

haha, yeah.. and low xuan is going to smu. or did i mention that already? haha, it's going to be kinda different without her. i hope she copes well without me and i cope well without her.

other than that, life's pretty mundane for now.
it's kinda in a wavering direction now.

froggy

2006-06-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

today i went to the gym. i was listening to my mp3 player and walking along the road when suddenly i just happened to look down coz i thought i saw something.

wah shit. i saw a frog?! toad?! frog???
anyway, no matter wad it was. it was AN AMPHIBIAN! shit sia.
to think i almost stepped on it. wah lao.

wad if i didn't happen to look down?!
eew. then my sports shoes will be so squeesy squashy. if not, me and froggy will both jump apart in fright. and of course he'll jump higher.

so anyway, being kind to animals and amphibians, i walked the longer way around it.

hmmz. maybe it's a test!

maybe i should plant a big fat kiss *muackx!

then TA-DAH!
it'll turn into a prince.

an opportunity wasted.

i could really become princess tricia you know. sighz. OH WELL. it's the frog's LOSS.

anyway. i have a really important date tmr. so don't bother me. it's an unexpected date. cool huh.

sigh.

hope the date turns out well.

tricia off to bed.

sometimes

2006-06-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes the people around you always seem to be so busy when you're not.
sometimes in the midst of their busy-ness they forget your existence.

hmmmz. i don't deny that i am not like that. but i am not always like that.

actually i don't know wad i want to get out of posting this post. wad is it that i really wanna understand. see. adult life is so complicated. and the thing is, i'm not even an adult yet. scary huh.

people change as time moves on. but to me, they're actually evolving. some of them change so much that they have practically evolved into someone i do not know at all.

then after wad seems like a millenium, they suddenly pop up one day and say "hello!". haha, to me, i'm not complaining or saying that they suddenly chat you up coz they have some kinda motive in mind. like maybe you've become some millionaire overnight and suddenly everyone claims to be the bestest friend you've ever had kinda thing.

to me it just seems weird.

sometimes the person you feel closest to might not even be feeling the same way as you do. you may think he/she is your closest friend in the world. but he/she might not necessarily feel the same way.

i guess life's like that.

sometimes you think you know someone well enough?
but turns out to be, well is never enough.
then you'll start to feel that hey, who is this person i know.

and the worse thing is that you cannot find an explaination to this new found stranger. it sucks when you have this kinda feeling.

and also not to forget, the person might probably not even know wad you're thinking about. these random thoughts in your head that's making you feel fustrated.

and so i have decided. i want to be the best of friend that i can be in my capacity to that person. i guess i should trust that evolution is good. though not necessarily the best.
i believe that deep down somewhere, there'll always be a small part that's not gonna evolve.

haha, and actually after typing so much. i still don't understand wad is it that i wanna understand.
wad is the answer that i am seeking for? wad is it that i wanna tell myself?

hmmm... =S

=P