i don't know why

i don't know why things end up the way the way they are now..

i don't know when it started, but it started somehow.

maybe i shouldn't have asked for that contact. it has caused me much trouble.. and much feelings of awkwardness. I have put in much effort and time into getting it all right. i admit i made a few mistakes here and there.. but i really put my heart and soul into delivering it out. even though at times when i felt i was the only one doing it.. even though there were times when i felt my group mates had no time or didn't seem interested in doing it. i thought it was okay. they had more modules than me. but why.

it was only a small concern of mine. did i look that sulky? i was only a bit worried of what i could deliver to her. it was only a line of casual reasoning. i didn't understand why you had to flare up on me.

maybe it's just this project. i have lots of information, but they seem to get me no where. i took the time and effort to consolidate it into proper reading material. i took the time and effort to make sure i undertsnad the flow. i took the time and effort to come up with the questions. then why why why do i still feel so ALONE? from the point of contact, to the questions, to the consolidated information.. i know. i know i know i know. all of them contributed. but i just can't help but feel that way...

i anticipated the urgency or rather the need to apply and not work for this project. but nevertheless.. it was wasted.

will anyone understand me? will anyone understand the feelings of awkwardness? will anyone even understand what i'm trying to say? or wad i'm trying to explain? or wad i'm trying to bring across?

can't wait for all of this to be over.

just wish i was home now. home, you are my only comfort now..